My son went to live with his dad. I am gutted

[tattoosandotherthings]

He is just shy of 14. I know he is of the age where he needs his dad to learn from but it does not stop my pain.

I am trying not to be selfish, i let him go without incident because i know he needs this but i am so lost without his presence.

I am trying so hard to keep busy, listing, drawing, whatever i can do but when i go to sleep and wake up, there is a gasp and fear that my baby is missing and for just a moment my mind is hunting for my 2 year old and then i remember he is nearly 14 and gone to his dads.

Any mums out there who have survived this?

[tattoosandotherthings]

Thankyou Lurker - I raised him to be a thinker - a critical thinker - think about the future and what does your future look like if you follow the pack today.  I never wanted him to be a kid who followed the teenage crowd into drinking and drugs - so i installed those principles very early in his life.  I know these principles will stand him in good deed as he grows but lol he was not supposed to be such a thinker that he would leave me 🙂

Big hugs to your heart for being a mum

[catsnknots]

Cats - thankyou for your words.  I am ever so grateful that his dad and i have always maintained a friendship. His kids to his new wife call me aunty and i always get kisses and cuddles. I know my boy has gone to a good and kind family and like you, i knew it had to happen. 

Did your boy ever want to come back? I know what you mean about boys dont grow up if they live with mum - until this week - regardless that my boy at 13 is 6ft tall - to me he was still a little boy who needed his mum - and i think thats been a part of the shock - my eyes seeing him as what he really is - a young man making decisions for himself.

I think about how he had to come to me with his decision - he was crying - that decision and his emotions must have been playing on his mind so bad.  I am proud that he was able to find the strength to tell me what he needed.

Motherhood lol one hell of an exceptionally wonderful but painful job.

My situation is different to yours as mine had just finished school and I had prepared him for the last half of the year that it would be a good idea to go and live with him... 

Where we live there are no good jobs for school leavers... all Mc Donalds and KFC sort of work... his dad lives in a mining town and although there are more sackings going on there than anything else he has managed to start up his own Computer repairs company and is doing very well for himself. 

It did not make it any easier and I still cried when he left... but that good relationship I have with his father made it easier all round... 

My son will probably never live with me again unless I make a move to Melbourne and he decides to follow... his dream job is in IT and more than likely will be in Melbourne.. 

My 14 yr old is still with me and that makes it easier as I still have one at home... if he decided to go and live with his dad I would be a mess.. lol 

You know one thing I laugh at... when he left he left just about all of his stuff at my place as I had the spare room... I am so cheesed off now as I need to box up his junk and store it... 9 months on I still call him up and ask when he is going to come and pack it all up... some days I am really angry about it.... 

oh... and the electricity bill has dropped by $200 a quarter.. and the food bill is less... I have also been able to halve the internet and save myself some more cash.... they do cost a lot of money... 

[tattoosandotherthings]

I have had 2 older girls go off to Uni - I was excited for them that they were excited - i felt a little lost when they left but at the time my boy was 9 and then 12 when the girls left.  It was all different for them leaving, we live in a small town and no university was available to them.  They were young adult women - their education ahead of them - their lives opening up - it was an exciting time.

My boy leaving - yes cats i am a mess - i flip from sanity to insanity - from emotional calm to outright sobbing tears to just silent tears that run down my cheeks to laughter that i am being so silly - to happiness that he is happy - to jealousy that he is happy. I just can't be pleased lol

Because of the distance - i will only get to see him once a fortnight and i think i just need my first visitation and i will realise he is coming home sometimes.  I feel like a 3 year old who has been dropped off for babysitting and sits at the door waiting for the parents to come back. The child eventually realises that its ok to go to the babysitter as mum does come back.

Cats - my boy at nearly 14 is 6ft tall and solid as - no skin and bones there - his food bill lol i told his dad he will have to get a second job to afford it.  My son only likes clothing from city beach and vans shoes - dad is saying no way - kmart clothes from now on in - so i have said i will buy all his clothes hahaha i also set up a bank account for him so that i can send him pocket money each week.  I want this too work out for him - dad does not have alot of money and he has 3 little kids - i dont want the fact that i spoilt my boy rotten to become a burden on the family.  I figure the easier i can make the transition, the more my boy will be happy and settle.  I know he needs his dad so much.

So that is one side of me - the other side wants it all to fail and him to come home.

I think i will change my ID to psychomum lol

[kengillard]

perfectly normal boutique......the pain will lessen.....but it'll take time.:-x

[icyfroth]

boutique, this phrase of yours made me mist over a bit:

I think about how he had to come to me with his decision - he was crying - that decision and his emotions must have been playing on his mind so bad.  I am proud that he was able to find the strength to tell me what he needed.

but then this phrase proves that you are stronger than you think:

"I am trying not to be selfish, i let him go without incident because i know he needs this but i am so lost without his presence."

You'll be alright - and think of the happy times you'll have when he comes to visit.

I like Pimpy's prescription of 2 kittens and a budgie - it always feels good to have a small creature in your life to care for.

[mum*of*goldens]

My  heart aches for you as I went through the same thing some years ago now, only my son was nearly 17 at the time. I was living in a rural area here in Qld where there was  no public transport and very little for a boy of his age to do. My ex [his dad] lived in a western suburb of Sydney, close to transport and schools, shops etc, and more opportunity for my son to work part time whilst continuing Year 11 at High School.

He'd been causing me some grief whilst living with me, and in the end I acknowledged that moving in with his dad was probably for the best. It broke my heart too, and I cried bigtime when it came to say goodbye.This was in 2007.

However late 2010 saw a change of heart from my son and he wanted to move back in with me and my fiance. I was living in a coastal town [Hervey Bay] by then, about to move to Brisbane where there was work for him, and a chance to get his drivers license as he was unable to do that in Sydney as his dad didn't drive.

3 years down the track and my boy [now 22 years old] has settled to life up here, keeps in close contact with his dad and mates in Sydney and we get on great. [apart from one dummy spit by  him 14 months ago]. He has his license and a good job.

Hang in there boutique, keep the communication going, let him know you still love him and the door will always be open for him. And one day I'm sure, he will return to you again. In the meantime I send you lots of hugs because I know the pain you are experiencing.

[tattoosandotherthings]

Thankyou for taking the time kengillard and Icy

right at the moment i am a psycho - bad moment - kids all coming home from school - i am not at the bus stop getting him and he is not going to the skatepark.  This really is hard

We are selling our house to move back down to the area he lives in now.  Have had the house on the market for 4 months because we knew he needed to go back down near his dad but the house has not sold in time.

I have been listing on ebay for days and had bundles of clothing and racks of clothing all thru my loungeroom - have done no housework because i have been busy listing. 

Real estate rings and says be there in 15 minutes with someone - mind you we have only had 2 people in 4 months look so this was unexpected - i begged for 30 minutes and literally bundled hundreds and hundreds of pieces of clothing away into a room then frantically cleaned.

The real estate turned up with a woman of 70 - mind you we live on rocky acreage - then the woman says - when my daughter gets money she is going to buy me a house and i will rent it off her cause i always pay my bills, im good at paying my bills.

I was aghhhhh where is real estate screening of potential buyers.

[tattoosandotherthings]

I miss him so much its making me nuts 🙂

I will have to ring him tonight just too hear his voice - damn i am a sook

[kengillard]

you're just being a mother boutique.......as my Nan used to say."this too will pass"