The Abbotts are getting divorced! :O :O :O

[i-need-a-martini]

And it's Joolya fault...:O

In a shock announcement to be made at a press conference next week, Margie Abbott  is expected to announce her separation from her husband, the Opposition Leader Tony Abbott.

Friends of the couple say the announcement is shocking but not surprising: “Margie is like a single mum – Tony is never at home and she knows as well as we do that it can only get worse when he becomes Prime Minister. She is probably keen to make the announcement early so that it does not become an election issue.”

A shocked friend and neighbour who had been at lunch with the Abbotts earlier in the day, says she was stunned when Margie announced she was no longer responsible for Mr Abbotts wardrobe. When questioned, the tight lipped Mrs Abbott “simply said, “He’ll have to buys his own undies from now on”.” she said. 

It is believed the only person within Mr Abbotts close circle who know of the decision is Mr Joe Hockey who is said to be waiting in the wings “in case, Mr Abbott feels the need to take a year or so off to recover.”

It is understood a man fitting the description of Mr Abbott recently enquired about room rates at the nearby North Shore Hotel which will allow him to be within easy distance from the family home in case Mrs Abbott changes her mind and he has to run back quickly.

Another family friend has predicted that the divorce will get messy. “There will be a custody battle over all the clothes that Margie has bought over the years as well as the contents of the bathroom cabinet,” she says, “The only thing that Tony will concede custody on will be the contents of the kitchen. That is Margies domain and he has never actually walked into the room”.

It is understood that Mrs Abbott gave her husband the ultimatum: "It's either me or 'that woman'." said one source.

Mr Abbott is expected to follow Mrs Abbotts press conference with one of his own where it is predicted he will end the conference doing a tearful rendition of Gloria Gaynors “I will Survive”.

http://www.martininews.com.au/opinion/political-news/shock-announcement-CS-20130217-2ekrb.html

[azureline**]

When I first began to read it, I too thought it was not nice but that lasted only a sentence or two.......before it became obvious it was not serious!

Not nasty, very clever and :^O

[lakeland27]

" the story is meant to show what the media have done to gillard. its a send up 'what if the tables were turned and it were him  being lied about almost continuously' "

Oh come on LL, you are not still clinging to the notion that PM stands for precious me, and  let's kill the messengers.

no, but i do object to malicious BS instead of a contest of ideas which she clearly would win.

the current coalition approach is big on  character assasination and short on substance as you can probably see yourself but  keep mum about.

[nevynreally]

Which is what happened in this thread. Had a dig at the political party you don't like, the media thought of as being biased, but more importantely, at posters who aren't savvy to the games people play.

If your argument is good, why bother?

[lakeland27]

wouldn't matter what i said .. you'll  be there to set me straight.

[cherry*135]

I read one or two sentences and thought where did she get this from and saw the link.. obviously a spoof.

[cherry*135]

I hope nobody emails the Abbotts a link to this thread.;-)

[katydidthat]

Reuters/AP/AFP/NewsLtd/AlJazeera/ATR

Timeline:  8:00pm AEST 17/02/13

KDT

In breaking news, it has been reported that Julia Gillard is leaving her long term partner Tim Mathieson for an unknown zoo keeper, John Smith.  Smith, 34, works at Taronga Zoo, in Sydney, caring predominantly for gorillas.  

Gillard, 53, stated that the relationship break up was due to issues relating to her hair:  "I'm sick of being titillated and tartivated.  I want to grow old and grey naturally".  Mathieson, sounding contrite, said:  "I had no idea that Julia felt this way, I wanted to make her look her best.  And, she looks lovely in red."

Smith, on the other hand, felt differently:  "Gorillas are beautiful animals.  They come in gorgeous shades of black and grey.  As they age, they become more grey than black.  It's a lovely natural thing.  And, I think the same applies to humans.  Most of us go grey or white as we get older, and to those of us who love another, we accept these physical changes and our love remains steadfast".  

One potential problem with this relationship is that Smith is a signed up member of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party (http://www.omrlp.com/) and a current candidate in the upcoming elections.  While seen by most serious political commentators as a bunch of raving loonies, the seat of Nuttsville in Sydney's East West, where Smith is standing, is held by Labor by a margin of 0.00000001.  In the last Federal election, the ALP won, with the Blues coming a close second, followed by the Pinks, the Purples, the Yellows and the Green and Red Stripes.  No serious pundit is calling this seat safe.  

Smith is campaigning on the issues of weather ("we need to do something about this rain"), food ("Australia doesn't have any decent fish and chip places"), language ("we should abolish the letters G and H as they add little to literary comprehension"), and sport ("we don't need nuffin' cept football, which AIN'T wot you call football, I mean soccer, REAL football").  

Gillard brushed aside questions about the philosophical and political differences between her and Smith.  "It's his attitude about animals I really like", she said, "he lets me show my wild side, he loves the gorilla in me, and he respects my inner monkey".  

Mathieson is apparently seeking comfort elsewhere.  He has recently been noticed spending time with Gina Rinehart who, sources say, he is encouraging to go auburn.   Sylvia Plath once said:  " “Out of the ash I rise with my red hair And eat men like air”.  I'd go for a blond rinse, myself, Gin...

[**meep**]

I hope nobody emails the Abbotts a link to this thread.;-)

:O:^O

where would one email it to?

[j*oono]

I hope nobody emails the Abbotts a link to this thread.;-)

It would be funny if anyone here was that small minded.

[freakiness]

Alan Jones would be sure to hitch up the sympathy van fairly quickly