Tommys Joke Page

[tommy.irene]

Tommys Joke Page 2015

[tommy.irene]

BMW...
The other day I was cruising along as usual coming onto one of my interstates, which was very busy with inferior cars.
First off, I couldn’t believe that the volume of traffic DIDN’T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the exit ramp! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway!
The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.
Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane.
Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110 mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph!
Naturally, I got within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn’t be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.
Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me!
He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.
Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew – that my car goes fast!
Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my drivers licence to a police station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They’re not free points either – they’re £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the police station said that because I drive a BMW, it won’t be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won’t even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!
See, now THAT’S the sort of respect you get when you own and drive a BMW!

[tommy.irene]

Two guys in the gym changing rooms, one is putting on lace knickers...

First guy says, "Since when do you wear womens pants"...?

Second guy replies, "Since my wife found them in the glove compartment"...

[tommy.irene]

I have never had to write anything like this before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.
I try to stay awake and watch for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just did not want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to finally check on her around midnight, I hid in the garage behind my pool table so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with "the girls."
When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouching behind the table that I noticed the cloth was ripped does anyone know of any place that repairs pool tables if so could you let me know it would be much appreciated, thanks

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

Let’s talk about embarrassing moment 🤦🏻‍♀️
Last year I was living on my own with my children
I decided in the morning I would put the Xmas dec up
Spent all day, doing the inside and outside of the house super happy
Went to bed , but about two that morning, I hear bang bang on the door ..
I thought am not answering it
The knocking continued, I started to get scared the person wasn’t giving up..
so I put 999 into my phone went to the top of stairs to look throw the glass on the front door .
I could see a figure of a person, so i pressed the green button .
Talking to the lady operator, when I see the red glowing light of the inflatable snowman I had put up outside that morning .
The wind pushing it over, then it was bouncing back 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Omg I wanted to die when I was explain to the lady it’s ok it’s just the snowman knocking
And that I wasn’t crazy ..

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]