Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

The locker room was full of men sitting around talking at a golf club. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:
“Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
“Yes.”
“Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It’s absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?”
“What’s the price?” “Only $1,000.”
“Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much…”
“Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2020 models. I saw one I really liked. It’s a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. And since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year…”
“What price did he quote you?”
“Only $1,65,000…”
“OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
“Great! But before we hang up, something else…”
“What?” “It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It’s for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beach front property.”
“How much are they asking?”
“Only $14,50,000 — a magnificent price… and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover…”
“Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $14,20,000. OK?”
“OK, sweetie… Thanks! I’ll see you later!! You’re the best Husband in the world. I love you!!!”
“Bye… I love you too…”.
The other men are looking at him in astonishment.
The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks, * * * * * * * * * “Does anyone know who this Cell phone belongs to???”

[tommy.irene]

[tommy.irene]

..

[tommy.irene]

..As a singer I sing at many funerals & I was recently asked by a funeral director to play & sing at a graveside service for a homeless man.
He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery out in the country.
As I was not familiar with the area, I got lost.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw that the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.
There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.
I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to sing.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I sang from my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends.
As I sang “Amazing Grace”, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
When I finished, I packed up my keyboard and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I’ve never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Apparently, I’m still lost…...