Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[cueperkins]

What time is it over there right now?

[tommy.irene]

There is a new virus going around, called "work." If you receive any sort of "work" at all, whether via email, Internet or simply handed to you by a colleague ... DO NOT OPEN IT.
This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open "work" or even look at "work" have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.
If you do encounter "work" via email or are faced with any "work" at all, then to purge the virus, send an email to your boss with the words "I've had enough...
I'm off to the pub." The "work" should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive "work" in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the "work" to your garbage can. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" will no longer be of any relevance to you and that "Scooby Doo" was the greatest cartoon ever.
Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do NOT have anyone in your address book, then I'm afraid the "work" virus has already corrupted your life.

[tommy.irene]

An executive was interviewing a young woman for a position in his company. He wanted to learn something about her personality, so he asked, "if you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be?"

She quickly responded, "The living one."

[tommy.irene]

What time is it over there right now?

The time is 7.50am here now and its Saturday morning..

[cueperkins]

OK then, so as the night wears on, your morning progresses.....I always get it around the other way.  What threads do you hang out on so I can find you.

[tommy.irene]

OK then, so as the night wears on, your morning progresses.....I always get it around the other way.  What threads do you hang out on so I can find you.

In the UK on ebay..i have a joke thread called.....  I cant get the postman to call....... but most of the morning i go round the world and chat to others..USA.. INDIA.. SPAIN.. OZ.. IRELAND.. UK.. and FACEBOOK.. 

[tommy.irene]

Glen, why do you always get so dirty? Asked the teacher.
Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. He replied

[tommy.irene]

Should wives put the photographs of their missing husbands on beer cans?

**********

When is the safest time for sex?

When your boyfriend's away on business.

**********

Why do men get married?

So they don't have to hold-in their stomachs any more.

[tommy.irene]

How are you getting on with your exams?”
“Not bad. The questions are easy enough – it’s the answers I have trouble with!”

[tommy.irene]

Seamus the zookeeper was approached by the head vet regarding a restless female gorilla who was in season. The vet suggested that Seamus get intimate with the gorilla to settle her down, for £500.
After giving this some thought, Seamus agreed - with three conditions.
'Firstly, that, the zoo is completely empty at the time.' 
The vet agreed.
'Secondly, that none of my family or friends ever get to hear about it'
'Of course,' the vet agreed, 'and thirdly?
'That you give me a week to raise the 500 quid!'