"God Loves Ian"

[the_bob_delusion]

http://www.news.com.au/national/ian-thorpe-comes-out-ken-thorpe-says-he-loves-his-son-unconditionall...

I suspect he doesn't mean the bible God or he has never read the bible. I can see why Ian didn't come out earlier if his family is so religious. 

[polksaladallie]

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@crystal**flake wrote:

An ingaged parent has to know if their child is gay, If they dont then they are in denial.

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There are different forms of engagement by parents.  A mother is more likely to realise and may be in denial.  Fathers seem to have a barrier which prevents them from seeing.  Depends on how conservative they are.

I mentioned in another thread about this topic that a good part of this man's struggle with depression might be that his parents were ultra-conservative and he was trying to spare them what he had known for nearly 20 years.  I was lambasted for my comment.  I was right then and knew it.

[icyfroth]

There are some things people see but go "nah, can't be" and then convince themselves they're only seeing things.

[channys_mum]

When the penny started dropping about my eldest daughter (yes I have a gay daughter) I kept dropping the 'You know you can talk to me about anything comments'. I had considered just asking her, but thought what if I am wrong.

Teenage girls are scarey enough, so you don't go poking the bear.

Eventually she came to me. The conversation went well.

Back then however it was very unusual for a parent to accept and most were told to leave home/ disowned etc.

[azureline**]

I think times have changed since I was a teen. well, that was a long time ago............ I don't now and never have seen people for what they "might be, sexually"

People change right throughout their lives, many never even consider they might be "gay" until later in life, not everyone knows or shows outward signs.

[i-need-a-martini]

As I said, there are some instances where it is obvious from a very young age.

But most kids show no signs. 

What are parents searching for? 'Obvious' signs like a boy who likes to play with dolls or likes pink? Or a toddler that refuses to wear a dress? Or a teenage girl who HATES boys? Or a 20 year old boy that has never had a girlfriend?

Should it be obvious to me (and perhaps I am, not engaged to notice??) that my 12yo is a lesbian simply because she only wears pants and this week she made me cut her hair short 'like a boy' because she was sick of brushing it every day?

Crazy argument.

[polksaladallie]

I don't agree that "most children show no signs". 

They show signs, but those signs are not superficial like having short hair or playing with dolls.  The human psyche is deeper and far more complex than that.   Some parents do not have a lot of emotional intelligence, and some do.   Some will be aware, and some will not be aware.

[channys_mum]

Absolutely.

It had nothing to do with what she wore, if it did then she is not gay.

My daughter wore dresses had her hair done pretty, played sport, wore jeans, wrestled with her brothers, had the girly giggles with her girlfriends, went to her formals with boys. Had a choice of which boy she would go with.

Did not however date boys, never gave boys the same starry eyed looks that her peers did. Her body language was different. Don't ask for an explanation of that comment though.

It may have been our closeness that allowed me to know. I don't know.

[i-need-a-martini]

What you are suggesting is that gay people are physiologically/biologically/intellectually/psychologically different to other people.

And we know that this is not the case.

Most parents suspect their children are gay at puberty and beyond. Most children would not display anything other than 'normal' behaviour to this point.

And yes there have been quite a few studies on the subject. However, there are some flaws that are acknowledged with all the studies:

Firstly, given that the gay population is quite small no study has ever been able to have a subject base large enough to follow through with enough real data. For example, if a study of 1000 5yo were tracked into adulthood to determine if their 5 year old charactaristics showed as gay charactaristics as adult then the overal sample at the end which are definitely gay would be around 50-70 people. This is not conclusive.

Secondly, studies of patterns from childhood to adulthood are only legally done with parents permission. So there are no generic population studies done on this subject. The majority of studies done to date usually involve parents volunteering their children. The criticism for this type of study is that it is usually parents who believe that their children 'could' be gay who volunteer their kids. As some children DO show early tendencies, the studies are skewed and flawed. This is the biggest criticism of studies done to date.

[polksaladallie]

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@i-need-a-martini wrote:

What you are suggesting is that gay people are physiologically/biologically/intellectually/psychologically different to (sic) other people.

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I suggested no such thing.

[the_bob_delusion]

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@i-need-a-martini wrote:

What you are suggesting is that gay people are physiologically/biologically/intellectually/psychologically different to (sic) other people.

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I suggested no such thing.

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Obviously there're some differences, I wouldn't know which category it'll fall under. It's whether there're signs or anything that can be picked up clinically. I would say yes but I wouldn't say it's absolute or conclusive. It's not even about being more feminine or masculine but intuitively from experience, the majority of cases, there's something there whether you like it or not Martini.