Sorry in advance for the long post but would dearly love some advice or imput on my situation with my youngest son 29 and his wife.
My DIL hates drugs and so do i as a matter of fact but we have big issues , my daughters boyfriends smokes pot never at home or anywhere on the property so this is problem number one problem number 2 is my DIL overheard an arguement between my daughter and her boyfriend so now my daughters boyfriend is not wellcomed at her place and nor will they come and visit us at our place , never mind the fact that my daughter can give as good as she gets verbally in her relationship .
We were forever going to their place before all this **bleep** started and staying overnight and they hardly ever come to our place .
My DIL is also very **bleep** off with my daughter for getting pregnant and never spoke to her for months and months mainly due to the fact that my daughter didnt listen to their advice and the fact that one of my DIL friends has been trying for yrs to get pregnant and hasnt been successful so she was **bleep** off with the fact that my daughter being 17 1/2 could and did fall pregnant .
I have had to keep so many secrets from my DIL about things I know otherwise their marrige would be over and my son knows this .
My DIL father also smokes pot this she knows but what she doesnt know is that when he comes for holidays 2 or 3 times a year he has it on him and in the house but smokes it only away from the house and to make matters worse my SON her husband also smokes it .
My DIL reckons she knows a druggo just from looking at them but has never picked it up that her own husband or her own father are off their face in her home and their neighbour also smokes it and has done with my son .
I only recently a few months ago found out my son was smoking this and confronted him about it and saying how wrong it was that my daughters boyfriend is copping all this **bleep** when you and her own father doo exact same thing and im supposed to shut my mouth . He has lied so much to her and he knows his marriage would be over if she found out , he has even admitted to me that he loves her but isnt IN love with her and is affraid he wouldnt get to see the kids if they broke up .
So he goes along with everything my DIL says and expects me to go to his place all the time to see them and my grandkids but them not come here , he makes out im the bad guy here and im so angry with him .
I have tried to talk to him about it and have even said you better sort something out because im sick and tired of us being made to look like the bad guys when your doing exactly what your wife doesnt like and im supposed to sit back and shut my mouth .
He couldnt even tell her he has left work early to take me to a specilist appt because i wasnt allowd to drive home after it and then again to a hopsital appt otherwise she would have gotten **bleep** off that he left work early . She doesnt want him visiting here but he used to at least 4 times a week after work and you could see he was happy here but all this has stopped now and im getting the feeling is he is trying to keep us all apart because he doesnt want his little secrets coming out and making out im the bad guy .
I havent seen my grandkids for months and months now and my daughter is also angry and has said if her boyfriend isnt allowd to see them or the kids they cant see her baby . My daughter knows so much more stuff about her brother then I do that would deffinately be the end of the marriage if she spoke up but I have told her to keep quiet because eventually everything will come out and he will cause the end of his marriage on his own and thats when he will come running back to me for a roof over his head .
I dont have anything to do with my son at the moment and this isnt the first time with this son either , he tries to dictate who I can talk to who I have visit at my place and if he doesnt like someone he expects me not to like them but the biggest reason I wont talk to him at the moment along with all this going on is I rang and told him my mum his grandmother has bladder cancer and while they have taken the tumors out there are a couple of small cells that could very well turn cancerous and due to other health issues her heart and being on dialisis they wont operate so they have to try radiation .
I asked him if he could please take the time to visit with her and take the kids down as she loves all her Grandkids .
My mum has NEVER EVER done anything wrong by either of them my son and DIL and his words to me after i told him all of this is honestly mum I felt nothing when you told me this sorry but thats how it is , when the time comes ill go to pay my respects but thats all .
I feel like disowning him 
I dont know what to do with him anymore its like everything has to be about him and his kids and noone else .
What to do ??????
