on 27-04-2012 12:13 PM
on 22-10-2015 03:52 PM
Marijuana and Marriage:
Smile for the day!
For those who haven't heard, Washington State recently passed two laws. They legalized gay marriage and Legalized marijuana.
The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day makes perfect Biblical sense.
Leviticus 20:13 says: "If a man lies with another man they should be stoned"
Apparently we just hadn't interpreted it correctly before!
on 22-10-2015 05:54 PM
on 12-11-2015 05:34 PM
Last month, a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:-
"Would you please give your honest opinion about possible solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
*The survey was a complete failure because:*
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
And in Australia, New Zealand and Britain everyone hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.
on 12-02-2016 12:34 PM
12-02-2016 02:37 PM - edited 12-02-2016 02:39 PM
A 32-year-old Haitian male walks into a bar.
He presents with ankylosing spodyarthirits and a duck under his arm. He tells the bartender, "My serum alkaline phospatase is elevated with .05 mg/L of meperidine in my plasma and I bet $100 my duck can **it into a shotglass ten feet away."
The bartender says, "Is this just an ordinary duck who has not been administered a dose of Baclofen or Cyclobenzaprine?"
The Haitian says "Well, lumbar puncture has been performed and revealed gram-negative cocci and decreased leukocytes, but other than that, it's an ordinary duck."
"You got a bet if I can perform a rectal biopsy and independent bloodwork."
"Of course."
The bartender puts a shotglass on the bar about seven feet away indicating either excessive confidence or a partial loss of visual acuity. The duck passes a reddish, gelatinous-looking stool right onto the bar and nowhere near the shotglass. The bartender laughs and says, "Either you're the dumbest ankylosing Haitian I ever met or you're suffering from cerebral hemorrhage."
The Haitian, without increase in BP, pulls out a hundred dollar bill and says, "I may be a dumb ankylosing Haitian, but I just bet those first-year interns in the corner 500 bucks a piece I could get my duck to **it all over your bar and you'd laugh about it."
The duck is most likely suffering a deficiency of
A. Ceftriaxone
B. Erythromycin
C. Methicillin
D. Tetracycline
E. Vancomycin
on 19-02-2016 10:55 AM
on 25-02-2016 10:43 AM
Yorkshire Obituary
Following the death of his wife,
to whom he had been happily married for 50 years,
the husband contacted the Yorkshire Post
regarding an obituary.
When informed of the cost, the man uttered, in true Yorkshire fashion, “How Much? !!!”
He reluctantly produced his wallet. “I want summat simple” he explained, “my Gladys was a good-hearted and hard-working Yorkshire lass but she wunt ave wanted owt swanky.”
“Perhaps a small poem”, suggested the woman at the desk.
“Nay”, he said, “she wunt ave wanted anything la-di-da, just put;
‘Gladys Braithwaite died’”.
“You need to say when”, he was told by the receptionist.
“Do I? Well, put died 17th Jan 2016. That'll do”.
"It is usual for the bereaved to add some meaningful phrase about the dearly departed”, she added.
The man considered for a moment. “Well, put in, ‘Sadly missed’. That'll do”, he said.
“You can have another four words”, the woman explained.
“No, no”, he cried, “she wouldn' ave wanted me to splash out”
“The words are included in the price”, the woman informed him.
“Are they? You mean I've paid for 'em?”.
“Yes, indeed”.
“Well, if I've paid for 'em , I'm 'avin them”.
The obituary was duly printed as follows:
Gladys Braithwaite died, 17th January 2016. Sadly missed. Also Tractor for sale.
on 29-03-2016 02:44 AM
on 29-03-2016 10:40 AM
on 09-04-2016 02:26 PM
EFFECTIVE SUICIDE COUNSELLING!
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a high cliff about to jump off.
A filthy tramp wandering by stopped and said, "Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a shag before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Bugger off you filthy old **bleep**!"
He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."
She didn't jump..........