Jokes

[kengillard]

They're boasting about race recordsSome race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast...

[twyngwyn]

If you want to know who is really man’s best friend, put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car, come back an hour later, open the trunk, and see which one is happy to see you.

[twyngwyn]

[peteepie]

My **bleep** was in the Guiness Book of Records.

But then the librarian told me to take it out.

[peteepie]

I asked my friend in North Korea how he was going.

He said he couldn't complain.

[peteepie]

There was a tap on my door this morning.

My plumber has a strange sense of humour.

[peteepie]

I visited my nanny's grave this morning and four blokes carrying a coffin walked past.  An hour later they walked past again.

I thought, they've lost the plot.

[twyngwyn]

It’s been raining for days now and my husband seems very depressed by it.

He keeps standing by the window, staring. If it continues, I’m going to have to let him in.

[peteepie]

This fellow walked up to the mourning widow and asked if he could say a word.

He then went up to the microphone and said, "plethora"

She said, "Thank you, that means a lot."

[peteepie]

So the missus puts down the iron and says, "you weren't listening to a word I was saying".

I'm thinking, that's a strange way to start a conversation.

[peteepie]

Some people say I'm too vague.  But you know how the saying goes...