Access to Grandchild

[grandmoon]

If one of your sons had a child and decided not to have anything to do with the bub.

As a grandparent would you like to have contact with the Bub

[givemeaspell]

My BIL was a very attentive Dad to his two young kids before he split with his OH.  She quickly moved on to someone else and the new guy became "Dad" within weeks.  She made my BIL a living h*ll sprouting lies of abuse so that he could not see his own children. She herself had a very sad upbringing and unfortunately had quite a few issues and was well known to tell a few lies.  It ended all too hard for him and he stopped seeing his children (which I don't agree with, I would have fought tooth and nail).  My MIL made an effort for a while picking them up and taking them out to continue the bond, but due to the relationship with the OH she soon dropped off too.  Years went by without any contact and then once the oldest turned 18 she made contact with her father's family (us, grandmother).  However the relationship is just not there, I think it's a bit like when you've been adopted, the family that raised you and was there for all those years are the one you feel the closest.  So my advice would be that if possible stay in your grandchilds life because you just cannot get back those years. 

[twinkles**stars]

My BIL was a very attentive Dad to his two young kids before he split with his OH.  She quickly moved on to someone else and the new guy became "Dad" within weeks.  She made my BIL a living h*ll sprouting lies of abuse so that he could not see his own children. She herself had a very sad upbringing and unfortunately had quite a few issues and was well known to tell a few lies.  It ended all too hard for him and he stopped seeing his children (which I don't agree with, I would have fought tooth and nail).  My MIL made an effort for a while picking them up and taking them out to continue the bond, but due to the relationship with the OH she soon dropped off too.  Years went by without any contact and then once the oldest turned 18 she made contact with her father's family (us, grandmother).  However the relationship is just not there, I think it's a bit like when you've been adopted, the family that raised you and was there for all those years are the one you feel the closest.  So my advice would be that if possible stay in your grandchilds life because you just cannot get back those years. 

Then your BIL and MIL were at fault IMO. They children already has a relationship with these adults...how awful for the children to be cut off by them. Very different in terms of a new baby where no relationship had been formed

[cherry*135]

I don't have any sons so wont be in this position. I would think it would be quite had for paternal grandparents to have a relationship with the grandchild if the baby's mother doesn't even know them or had little to do with them before the baby was born. Also if baby's mother resents the baby's father from not wanting anything to do with the baby, that resentment would rub off on any dealings with his parents?.

[meh_too]

I would attempt a relationship, however, if it got too hard, I would give up. Fighting tooth and nail does no one any good, least of all the children, especially when the kids are used as a weapon to hurt.  Besides, I live no where near my grandchildren and distance is hard enough even when you have the parents on your side.

However, I have not been in that position, and hope never to be.  I educated my 3 sons  (from very young)  to wear a franger - even if I had to provide them myself. 

[twinkles**stars]

I don't have any sons so wont be in this position. I would think it would be quite had for paternal grandparents to have a relationship with the grandchild if the baby's mother doesn't even know them or had little to do with them before the baby was born. Also if baby's mother resents the baby's father from not wanting anything to do with the baby, that resentment would rub off on any dealings with his parents?.

it's not only fathers that chose not to have a relationship with their child.....mothers can do the same:(

[givemeaspell]

Then your BIL and MIL were at fault IMO. They children already has a relationship with these adults...how awful for the children to be cut off by them. Very different in terms of a new baby where no relationship had been formed

  BIL definitely at fault, should have done whatever possible to have his parental rights recognised, however when your own children start calling you uncle because their  mother has told them they have a new Dad it is heart wrenching stuff. These children were only toddlers at the time.  MIL, very hard for her because grandparents don't seem to have rights, so once her son decided it was too hard it made it very difficult for her.  I would be devastated if it were my grandchildren.

[twinkles**stars]

Grandparents do have rights though...even more so when there has already been a close relationship with the children.

[crystal**flake]

I voted no.

I hope I never have to to be in that situation.

[givemeaspell]

Grandparents do have rights though...even more so when there has already been a close relationship with the children.

do they?  I believe it's difficult to enforce them unless the parent is unfit?  I'd be genuinelly interested to hear succesful stories regarding grandparents (whereby it had to go to family court because the parent was not co-operative with visitation).  As I said I don't necessarily agree and if it were me I would do whatever I could.

[givemeaspell]

Just googled and found this:

In Australian family law Grandparents do not have an automatic right to spend time with their Grandchildren. This situation can arise due to divorce or separation of their own children. However, Grandparents may bring an application before the Court by reason of being a person concerned with the care, welfare or develop of the child.

Where it is considered to be in the child’s best interest to maintain a relationship with the Grandparents in circumstances where the parents of that child are not permitting contact then the Court may make an Order for the Grandchildren to spend time with their Grandparents.