Adult Kids Returning Home

[grandmoon]

Over the years I have my kids returning home for a few week or months.  It doesn't happen now as the are all grandparents.

This morning I have had one of my adult grandsons asking if he could stay with me for a few weeks until he finds somewhere else to live.

[lyndal1838]

My eldest pretty much stayed away once she had a job/income that was sufficient to support the rent on a flat....about 6 weeks after she finished her HSC.  Within a few years she was travelling and would lob back home after a trip for a few nights until she found another flat.

The youngest was a different matter.  She was in and out of my door for a number of years as she was working in the show horse industry and her income was erratic.  It made little difference to me as we saw her every day when we went to the stables anyway and I guess being chauffeur driven home every night was a bonus for her.

[azureline**]

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@iapetus_rocks wrote:

I wonder how many parents expect to move in with their kids when they get too old and frail to look after themselves?

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Not me................... I will be looking for a retirement complex soonish with ongoing assistance. (despite my children having other plans, lol)

[cherry*135]

Ip"I wonder how many parents expect to move in with their kids when they get too old and frail to look after themselves?"

Not many, if any. Elderly parent(s)and teen grandchildren aren't a good mix. If elderly persons adult children still have children of their own..there would be no room in their house for an extra person. Adults in the house all working full time, not able to adequately care for a frail elderly person.

If an elderly person is that frail they can't look after themselves they need to be in a retirement home. Trained staff, 24/7 care, socialising with others, activities - craft, exercise...

[azureline**]

Totally agree AM3. Quality of life is paramount.

Interestingly, I had a conversation with my sister yesterday, our mum died at 64 from leukemia after a 6 month battle. My sister said she wishes Mum had dementia instead, at least she would be still here with us. 😞

The conversation progressed to discussions about quality of life and if we are just keeping people healthy and prolonging their lives, for selfish reasons.

Maybe we are.....................

[polksaladallie]

i don't know who is being selfish, Azure. 

Retirement villages are full of people, mainly women, whose families have dumped them there.  Even if they went there of their own accord.  Most do not receive any visitors. 

Such places do not exist in many countries, India, Asia, Africa, South America etc., because they look after the elderly in the family.

I am not referring to nursing homes, although some of that happens there also. 

[azureline**]

Can you dump people in retirement villages? Yes, I do know a lady who lives in one and has no family, her daughter went overseas to work. I think generally that would be not so lonely though, since there is a managed community in the ones I know of.

I am not sure where I want to end up but maybe a seaside one.

Selfish in that we keep them healthy and active which prolongs their lives but is it a kindness to them, or us?

[polksaladallie]

I see what you mean by selfish. 

When I say dump, it is a metaphorical term for not bringing the parent into the folds of the family.

The government does what it can (without losing the elderly vote) by stopping payment on certain procedures and ceasing some medical practices for old people.  As my doctor said was the reason, people have to die of something.  In other words they are trying to not prolong life unnecessarily, because it costs the taxpayers billions to do otherwise.

[***super_nova***]

One of my uncles (an American) had his 3rd triple (?) by-pass when he was well into his 90s!  Obviously, he must have had good insurance.  But I wondered what sort of quality of life he would have and the priorities of society.  I would not want to linger.