Anyone ever dated an Armenian person?

[krylekathe1]

This year I began dating an Armenian man.  Both of us have children from previous relationships, him from a marriage to an Armenian woman.  He's told me that in general, Armenian men and women only marry Armenian men and women.  From what he says, it really sounds like his marriage was quite arranged, and though happy for a long time, it ended badly several years ago, and they've been divorced.  Apparently this is rare in his community.  He's very tight with his extended family.

I also come from a very close (and Catholic) family.  Although both my brother have married women from significantly different cultures (one for Asia, one from west africa) this has NEVER been an issue. I consider both these women my sisters and both my brothers have embraced the religion and cultures of their wives.  We're lucky to have both my brothers to have settled here. 

Getting back to my question, I didn't really consider that an Armenian culture was that different to my Catholic one.  And I certinatly didnt think it would throw up issues (as neither my brothers have had issues with very diffierent cultures).

Things have been going well with my man.  I seem to be the polar opposite to his ex-wife.  She is a house-wife, I have a career.  She was very dependent on him finanically, whereas I own my own home and am very independent.  He often mentioned how much he enjoys that.

BUT last night we were chatting (about the future) and I mentioned that I have no desire to get married.  Ever.  It's never held any interest for me.  This man looks at me like I have slapped him!  He was horrified.  He said 'But you said you wanted to settle down, maybe have another child'.  I agreed, I did say this, I just said, that I am not interested in getting married to do that.  My man friend was shocked.  I was shocked at his reaction.  He's divorced, why would he want to get married again?  This conversation went down like a lead balloon.

I did say, if it was very important to someone else to get married, I'd do it.  But I dont really see much point, and I would not be interested at all in having a wedding - a registry office would be my preference.

But now my man friend is very distressed about the whole thing (after less than a year I'm surprised the conversation even came up).  He's insisting that I'd need to change my attitude towards marriage to continue.

What the heck bro?  Is this an Armenien thing?  I have never met any Armenian people before in my life (at least not that I know of, I generally don't ask people their background as it never comes up).

What's the deal with marriage?  Is this guy just crazy?  Is it a cultural thing?  I dont know.

[imastawka]

Don't know any Armenians.    But I'd be wary of marriage without knowing this guy.

How traditional is he, for instance?   If he's insistent now,  what would he be like

if you were the  'little woman'?

Marriage, to keep him happy, may lead to you being very unhappy.

Does he have friends you can talk to?  Anyone?   Lots of research is called for IMO.

Here's a start -  

http://www.everyculture.com/Russia-Eurasia-China/Armenians-Marriage-and-Family.html

[the_hawk*]

two posible reasons for the reaction

One he feels you dont care enough about him to get married and he is just filling in for a while.

OR he is a control freak, would be interesting to know why his X was a stay at home type, was it because she was lazy or he wouldnt allow her out of the house.

How does he react when you talk to other male friends, how does he react when you tell him you are catching up with male friends for coffee or a chat.
or even when you are catching up with female friends.

any insecurity  could be a huge warning sign of whats to come

[davidc4430]

ive never been married so cant give advice, heres a book to read while figuring out your problem.

http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Not-a-Marrying-Man-Mills-Boon-Modern-Miranda-Lee-Paperback-Book-/36143226...

[krylekathe1]

From what I understand (his side only) in his culture there is an expectation the woman stays at home and raises the kids, not works. I think it's a lot of cultural stuff, but also, maybe he wanted that? I don't know. She doesn't seem to be too motivated to get a job now, and both their kids are at school, so lazy might be a part of it. Or spoilt maybe, her parents do a lot for her.

I have a pretty healthy social life, and he doesn't seem to have an issue with it. But again, I certainly don't ask permission. That's never going to happen. Most of my friends are female, or gay, I tend not to hang out with single guys unless it's in a group so that hasn't come up as an issue.

Anyways, he's coming over tonight and we're going to have a little chat, about how no one on earth is going to tell me how to live my life & if he thinks he is, we're finished. So not interested in bringing that kind of drama into my life.

He's clearly led a very different life to me. He once told me there were no gay Armenian people to which I almost died laughing. Of course there are, there are gay people in every culture. Then he said he'd never met any, which made me laugh even more as I pointed out that he's met two of my friends, both of whom are gay. He was shocked that they didn't tell him! OMG? As if! Who goes around saying I'm gay! I'm hetro! I'm bi! It's not something that comes up in most normal conversations! It's a non-issue!

[imastawka]

Anyways, he's coming over tonight and we're going to have a little chat, about how no one on earth is going to tell me how to live my life & if he thinks he is, we're finished. So not interested in bringing that kind of drama into my life.

Wll done.  You tell him....politely, of course.

And when he introduces himself to people, does he tell them he's hetero?  Hahahaha

[this-one-time-at-bandcamp]

Armenians came up often in our family, usually at dinner time.........My mum would tell us, "Clean your plate, think of the starving Armenians".........

[village_person]

Anyone ever dated an Armenian person?

You might want to seek the advice of Shane Warne. He has dated a lot of people.

[the_great_she_elephant]

Anyways, he's coming over tonight and we're going to have a little chat, about how no one on earth is going to tell me how to live my life & if he thinks he is, we're finished. So not interested in bringing that kind of drama into my life.

A bit too late I fear, if he came over last night, but rather than going on the defensive, a smarter chat would be:  Why do you feel marriage is so important? What do we both want out of this relationship? Are our expectations compatible? if not  are we able  to compromise?

 There are some questions you need to ask yourself too. Do you love him?  Are you planning to live together?  Do you want to have a child together? If so, how would being married make a difference  and why does the idea of being married frighten you so much? Has he said  he would expect you to give up work and become a 'housewife.' or are you just assuming this?

Nobody can tell you whether you should or shouldn't  marry him, but  it rather sounds to me as if the words marriage and settle down have driven you  into panic mode and  you need to ask yourself why.  Find out exactly what he is imagining when he uses those words - may make you want to run a mle - on the other hand you may fnd your assumptions have been quite wrong 

[chameleon54]

Our 14 yo. daughter is having some similar problems at the moment. Her school attended NAIDOC celebrations a week or two ago. At the festival a 16 yo. Nigerian boy took a shine to her. He has been messaging her constantly and posting photos he took of her at the event online with slightly creepy messages.

She has blocked him from her facebook and twitter accounts, but now he is messaging all of her friends and our son. Our son has sent him a well written message saying his sister has not dated anyone yet and is not interested in starting now.

Its starting to turn into cyber stalking and our daughter and our family are becoming quite concerned for her safety. If it doesnt stop soon, we will need to contact his school and the police. ( Both teenagers where attending NAIDOC with their schools ). I,m not sure if this control and intimidation is a cultural thing or just a normal mis- placed teenage thing, but either way I dont think it would be in our daughters best interest to have anything to do with this guy..