I was the same as you ,it used to get to me how he could
put his own needs before the kids ,but i would always tell the kids he loved them and it wasn't them it was him.
Cyn ..don't let it eat you up ,you can't change him or the situation ,you can only focus on what you do for your kids and not what he doesn't do iykwim.
when my son got married my ex was just a guest ..
then a year ago we had a family crisis ,I have to give credit where credit is due ,he was really there for his boys then and has completely changed (in saying that he is not with the same woman he was before either so I don't know how much influence she had on him )
my hubby and I can actually be in the same room as him now lol..we get on really well now ,it took 20 years tho .
the boys are finally having a relationship with their dad,and I couldn't be happier ,we had a family thing last week and he came ,he thought it was funny to put his arm round me ,even my oh cracked up .:^OWhen my dad died 6 months ago he came to the funeral and was a great support to all of us ..
so miracles do happen ,cause 2 years ago i would never ,ever have thought we could be friends .
and yes I know he has regrets ,but he also know he can't turn back the clock !
and in most (not all) cases its the woman who does that hard yards ,some blokes to get of scot free.gives ya the irrits ..
but thankgoodness its not as easy for us to just walk away
where would the kids be then .