Is it just me or is this heartbreaking to read?

[i-need-a-martini]

It is an excerpt from a book and it is too long to post so have only put the link in. It is a mothers book about the struggle to out her 7 year old daughter on a diet. Dotted throughout the article are comments from the mother about her own dieting and self esteem issues and she thinks that putting her daughter on a strict diet will ensure she doesn't have the same issues she does. What a wack-job!

I'll copy in some sections but it worth reading the whole lot:

(should point out that the daughter was never obese)

This is what happened when daughter complained about being hungry at a family function. She had just eaten a smaller (than the other kids) portion of pasta: 

"If she's hungry, she can have some salad," my friend offered again.

"Okay," said Bea.

I stared at the Niçoise salad, full of tuna, eggs, potatoes - and olive oil.

"I'm sorry. Bea," I interjected. "It's got a lot of dressing on it, and ..."

"Just olive oil!" my friend interrupted. "It's super healthy!"

I forced a grim smile. "I know, but ..."

"Just a little!" my friend insisted, and pushed the bowl into Bea's hands.

I didn't know what to do. My friend was being a hospitable dinner hostess, responding caringly to a child complaining of being hungry. I was trying to be a good mother, an advocate for my child's health. But I also wanted to be a polite dinner guest. Bea happily devoured the salad as I sat silently.

I was mad at myself for not being more protective. I felt bad that I'd let her eat food we hadn't planned on, just to avoid some social discomfort. It wasn't the one bowl of salad that worried me. It was the very real fear that not sticking to our strategy 100 per cent, all the time, left the door open for more such moments to creep in. I'd been on enough diets myself and had tried enough half-hearted measures with Bea to realise what was required.

And this is the transcript when she came out of the weigh-in with a doctor:

Bea stepped on the scale, and i had a moment of reflection. I recalled the previous year's weigh-in at 42 kilograms. I remembered the worry over whether I could help her, of my determination to help her, of the effort of helping her, of the frustrations and triumphs and surprises and disappointments. All, it seemed, leading up to this moment.   

The digital scale displayed her weight as ... 35 kilograms.

There it was. The magic number we'd been working towards, finally appearing on the scale.

When our appointment ended, Bea got dressed and we stepped outside of the office. I looked at her, beaming expectantly as we walked down the street. But she said nothing.

"How do you feel about all the weight you lost?" I asked her when we got home.

"Good," she said, blandly.

"Do you like the way you look now?" I asked.

"Yes," she said, definitively.

"Do you feel different?"

"No. That's still me," she said. "I'm not a different person just because I lost seven kilograms."

http://www.dailylife.com.au/lifestyle/if-shes-hungry-she-can-have-some-salad-20130126-2dd0b.html

[cherry*135]

Most children that are overweight (excluding medical conditions) it is their parents fault for feeding them/allowing them to have the wrong sort of food & teaching them the wrong eating habits.

[madammuck]

By being obsessive about her daughter's food intake, the mother is just validating what the bullies are saying about her daughter's weight and potentially doing more damage in the long run.

[madammuck]

BMI - female

167cm (5'6'')

45kg

Your BMI 16

Your suggested 
healthy weight range 52-69 Kg 

Your category Underweight

I know the BMI is only meant to be a guide but 45kg at over 5"6 is definitely underweight.

I'm 5"3, weigh anything from 50-52kg, and would not want to weigh anything less than that.

[the_bob_delusion]

The mother appears quite sane in this interview, I agree with what she says and why she did it:

http://foxnewsinsider.com/2013/01/16/dara-lynn-weiss-mom-whose-vogue-article-about-putting-7-year-old-daughter-on-a-diet-sparked-outrage-defends-her-decision/

Yep, I agree. It would be more heartbreaking to read if the little girl developed diabetes or heart disease and died young.

I wished more parents would have the balls to speak to their children about healthy eating and put it into action.

I saw the video too. She seems like a loving caring mother, she doesn't need to be demeaned by parents out there who can't do their job.

You're wrong on this one Martini.

[cat_mioux]

I remember friends and other parents of kids the same age used to 'laugh' at my choices of meals and snacks for my kids .. for some reason I've never been able to fathom. Keep in mind this was 20 years ago.

I think it was because both my kids had major food intolerances and allergies. It wasn't as well known then as it is now but we had a specialist allergist which we saw over a period of 10 years or so.

I'd make my own nut butters from cashews and almonds. Made Almond Milk (couldn't buy it then). Home made biscuits from rice flour. For a snack they'd munch on a cold lamb chop.  For birthdays I'd make flourless chocolate cakes. My son adored soy milk thank goodness and rice cakes. They never had lollies and soft drinks or Macca's.  But I never restricted them as they got older and started going to other kids birthday parties. Luckily the symptoms of my son's food intolerances weren't life threatening. I'd just have a cranky, beetroot red cheeked and eared, diarrhea, whiney child on my hands the next day or two. *sigh*

[i-need-a-martini]

You're wrong on this one Martini.

Am I? Here are some of the quotes that I have pulled out from a very short excerpt of the book. All of these sentences ring alarm bells to me in regards to the mothers own personal fears and expectations:

It was the very real fear that not sticking to our strategy 100 per cent, all the time, left the door open for more such moments to creep in.

When the cake was served, Bea literally licked her plate clean.

At those times I felt frustrated and helpless that I couldn't control everything.

Throughout all the years that I've battled with my weight

Thus I'd refuse her the requested snack - even the heretofore permissible-at-any-time fresh fruit or vegetables - and tell her to have some water instead.

"Do you like the way you look now?" I asked.

No matter how well I controlled my eating, I still had feelings of fear and guilt around food. No matter how many kilograms I lost, another diet was just around the corner. Regardless of how far I had come since my younger years of obsessive dieting and negative self-image, I still had a complicated relationship with my body.

I'm far more concerned about the greater likelihood that Bea will suffer the kinds of nagging concerns about her weight that most girls and women do in our society.

And this from various other interviews ( I didn't search too far):

I want to say this with total respect to Vogue — it’s a certain kind of magazine. It’s a fashion magazine. It has for years made me feel fat and ugly.

And this is what she said of the photo accompanying the excerpt. The photo shows her slim looking daughter laying on her belly with her mum:

Weiss notes that she was afraid of giving her daughter a complex because of her own discomfort with food. But she also painstakingly explains that the Vogue photos were misleading, because they don’t show Bea’s midsection, and how fat she really is.

As I said, if the child was obese then it should be dealt with. But the mum seems to have some serious baggage of her own that she is projecting to her daughter.

There is lots of other stuff from the book in various mags but can't be bothered copying them. But they are all along the same lines.

[donnashuggy]

I know the BMI is only meant to be a guide but 45kg at over 5"6 is definitely underweight.

I'm 5"3, weigh anything from 50-52kg, and would not want to weigh anything less than that.

It's definitely NOT, she is 13 years old, when I check it says In Normal Range

I don't need some chart to check as I have my eyes open and I know how well she eats.

[chinchuckchick]

7 year olds shouldn't be "dieting" the parent/s should be providing healthy food and getting off their asses and riding a bike, playing tennis, kicking a ball around with them. this woman seems to be projecting her own body issues onto her daughter. wouldnt surprise me if the child had every electronic device under the sun,  but has never run around the park with her mum. If the woman has enough time to sit don down and write a book........

[cherry*135]

Yep, I agree. It would be more heartbreaking to read if the little girl developed diabetes or heart disease and died young.

I wished more parents would have the balls to speak to their children about healthy eating and put it into action.

I saw the video too. She seems like a loving caring mother, she doesn't need to be demeaned by parents out there who can't do their job.

You're wrong on this one Martini.

 

How did the girl get to be overweight? Her Mother let her have pizza, hot chocolate with cream on the top, baked cupcakes for her to eat and other fattening foods. Her mother was responsible for making her overweight in the first place. Why should the mother get a pat on the back now for makng the child eat healthy food when she was the cause of making the child overweight to start with... she wasn't doing her job either.

The girl was about 7 kilos overweight.. hardly likely to cause diabetes or heart attack.

[the_bob_delusion]

""I wanted to be honest about the difficulties. I wanted people to know that this is a lot harder than conventional wisdom would have us believe the solution to childhood obesity is."

To help Bea lose 16 lbs. from her 93-lb., 4'4" frame, Weiss primarily focused on "reducing processed food, increasing fruits and vegetables, and getting a little more exercise," she says.

The Heavy, by Dara-Lynn Weiss

They also changed how they share their quality time together. "We bake less at home now. I think it was really fun to bake cupcakes together, and we have come to realize that's not a great idea."

Weiss, who admits to having her own body image issue as a child, wasn't Bea's only cheerleader during her weight-loss journey.

"My fear of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, and giving her issues like the ones I struggled with kept me silent for years as she was establishing unhealthy habits and becoming overweight," says Weiss. "Being cognizant of [my issues] was part of the reason why I brought in a nutritionist who specialized with pediatric obesity to give me a sense of how to approach this from a nutrition point of view and an emotional point of view."

Bea, now 9, has since maintained her healthy weight and her new healthy habits.

"I love the fact that she still has the same love for food. And I love the fact that even though she still wants two cupcakes, she knows she can only have one cupcake, and I don't even have to tell her anymore," says Weiss.

"

Thankyou for ya selective editing Martini. You're still wrong.

She's a writer Chuck, what do you expect her to do?

If more parents cared enough about their kids like this lady, we wouldn't have one of the highest child obesity rates in the world.