on 11-11-2014 06:31 PM
Why not lighten the mood and add a bit of humour by posting jokes. I’d like to kick it off with one that I think is funny.
Two men were out on a shooting trip when an accident happened. One of the men made a frantic call to 000 telling the operator that an accident had happened and his hunting partner had been shot and he thought he was dead. “What should I do?” he asked the operator. The operator said the first thing he should do is confirm his hunting partner was dead. A short pause followed then a loud ‘bang’ was heard. The caller then said to the 000 operator “OK, he’s dead. What next?”
on 07-01-2015 03:34 PM
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues: |
on 07-01-2015 03:36 PM
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' |
on 07-01-2015 06:08 PM
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' |
on 09-01-2015 08:35 AM
A wife and husband were Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.
As the couple walked through the mall they became separated. The wife became quite upset and a little angry because they had so much to do. She rang him on her mobile to ask him where he was.
In a calm voice, the husband said, “Honey, you remember the jewellery store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get if for you one day?”
The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I remember that jewellery store.”
He said, “Well, I’m in the bar right next to it.”
on 09-01-2015 03:27 PM
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, "PIG!"
Man yells out window, "B*I*T*C**H!"
Man rounds next curve.
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of the road and dies.
Thought For the Day:
If men would just listen .
on 09-01-2015 08:49 PM
Two men were looking for their wives in a large supermarket when they unwittingly bumped into each other. One said to the other, “You look lost.” The other bloke replied that he wasn’t lost but merely looking for his wife who had wandered off. The other bloke said he was also looking for his wife because she had gone to the fruit and veg section but wasn’t there when he looked. They thought it might be a good idea if they helped each other. One bloke said to the other bloke, “What does your wife look like?” The other bloke said, “Most people think she’s a model. She has green eyes and long blond hair and luscious red lips. She has a knockout figure. Her skin is beautiful and soft with that ‘peach’ bloom appearance. She’s wearing a very figure-hugging hot pink mini skirt.” He then asks the other bloke what his wife looks like. The other bloke replies with, “Who cares about my wife. Let’s look for you wife.”
on 03-02-2015 08:05 PM
Men In HeavenWhen everybody on earth passed on and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines:One line for the men who were true heads of their household,and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women.I want all the women to report to St. Peter."Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men.The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long,and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household!You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose!Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
on 10-02-2015 06:50 AM
on 10-02-2015 11:04 AM
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
18-03-2015 07:08 PM - edited 18-03-2015 07:09 PM
The Centipede
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion,he finally bought a talking centipede with 100 legs. The centipede came with a shoe box as its home.
He took the centipede home and found a great location for the shoe box. The centipede was very happy. The single guy decided to kick off the friendship by taking the centipede to church with him. He asked the centipede "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."
There was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?" But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to ask the centipede one last time. This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?" A little voice came from inside the shoe box, "I heard you the first time! I'm putting my shoes on!"