My brother and Self Defense

[herbto3]

My mum and I dont know what to do anymore. We are in the NT. Several weeks ago my brother defended himself against the full on intoxicated estranged spouse as she wanted him to go and buy drugs. He said no and she attacked him twice. He defended himself but since then he has found himself on dvo charges brought on by the cops. 

I feel for my brother as he is a good person and dad but no one is listening to him. The cops wont take away the charges as they see it as domestic volence. They dont see it as self defense. The x sister in law wants the charges dropped but the cops wont drop them. My mum is as she puts it hitting her head against a brick wall trying to get someone to listen to her about this as my brother is an abused husband the victim. Mum says it is not the normal run of the mill case as he is a bloke not a lady. Only ladies get abused not husbands. My brother has stood by his family as his x is a druggy and cant look after the 5 kids properly. He has been their protector.

What I want to do is help my brother and his kids but I dont know how to do it..I dont know who to get mum or brother to talk to. I dont want my brother to kill himself as this is what my mum has been thinking he might do. My brother and mum need help.

Is there anyone out there who could tell me what to say to my brother to help him please? And my mum? Can someone please please help me.... 

[chameleon54]

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@chameleon54 wrote:

Polksaladallie has assumed the OPs brother responded with anger. Although that may be the case in some situations, it is just as likely that a sense of love and protection for all family members could be the driving force. It is very hard to start accurately judging if you have been lucky enough to always live in stable, sheltered family enviroment.

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I have not "assumed" anything.  The response was evident in the opening post.

As for your last sentence, it is almost laughable.

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SO YOU THINK THIS SUBJECT IS LAUGHABLE !!!
The fact that you treat the subject with such little respect, understanding and in such a trite, condecending and arrogant way gives an impression that you have neither personally experienced DV. as a victim or been placed in the position of having to disarm and restrain a person who is for any reason "out of thier tree" and threatening other members of the family.

     I grew up in a family where for many years my father physically attacked myself and my younger sister. I had to learn to defend myself often stepping between my 45 kg. anorexic 14 year old sister and my 105 kg. 190 cm. extremly muscular father to fight him off. His violence was also directed towards myself as a 13-17 year old boy. Unfortunately my teenage son has a mental health problem. Recently his medication was changed. This resulted in him going into a state of physcosis and going on a spree in the house armed with a hammer and knife. I had to physically disarm him and restrain him until the police and ambulance arrived to admit him to a phsyciatric ward. Although throughout these experiences I was put in the position of having to use extreme physical force, I never at any time felt a sense of anger. My responses where aimed at self preservation and a strong sense of protecting ALL members of the family INCLUDING those provoking the attacks. ( and I strongly resent assumptions made by ignorant people to the contrary )

      DV is not always the stereotypical male bashing up a partner. It can be a father commiting DV against his children, children directing anger at parents and wives attacking husbands. Its just that victoms of non-stereotypical domestic violence dont usually speak up out of emmbarrasment and fear of the sort of ridicule you have directed towards me.  If you think this is all laughable a couple of hours in front of the mirror may be in order.

PS. this is the first time in 50 years that I have spoken about my personel experiences publicaly

[*pepe]

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@*pepe wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

My opinion is that a man should never lay his hands on a woman (or child) in anger in any circumstance. 

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how about women?

is it also your opinion that a woman should never lay her hands on a man in anger?

My opinion is regardless of gender if you assault someone in anger then you have lost any right to not expect to be asaulted right back.

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My opinion is that no-one should ever hit anyone else.

Your statement that violence is the answer to violence is appalling. 

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and your attitude of people accepting whatever is dished out to them and not defending themselves is what enables bullies to be bullies and thugs to control others with vioence.

[polksaladallie]

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@chameleon54 wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

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@chameleon54 wrote:

Polksaladallie has assumed the OPs brother responded with anger. Although that may be the case in some situations, it is just as likely that a sense of love and protection for all family members could be the driving force. It is very hard to start accurately judging if you have been lucky enough to always live in stable, sheltered family enviroment.

---

I have not "assumed" anything.  The response was evident in the opening post.

As for your last sentence, it is almost laughable.

---

SO YOU THINK THIS SUBJECT IS LAUGHABLE !!!
The fact that you treat the subject with such little respect, understanding and in such a trite, condecending and arrogant way gives an impression that you have neither personally experienced DV. as a victim or been placed in the position of having to disarm and restrain a person who is for any reason "out of thier tree" and threatening other members of the family.

     I grew up in a family where for many years my father physically attacked myself and my younger sister. I had to learn to defend myself often stepping between my 45 kg. anorexic 14 year old sister and my 105 kg. 190 cm. extremly muscular father to fight him off. His violence was also directed towards myself as a 13-17 year old boy. Unfortunately my teenage son has a mental health problem. Recently his medication was changed. This resulted in him going into a state of physcosis and going on a spree in the house armed with a hammer and knife. I had to physically disarm him and restrain him until the police and ambulance arrived to admit him to a phsyciatric ward. Although throughout these experiences I was put in the position of having to use extreme physical force, I never at any time felt a sense of anger. My responses where aimed at self preservation and a strong sense of protecting ALL members of the family INCLUDING those provoking the attacks. ( and I strongly resent assumptions made by ignorant people to the contrary )

      DV is not always the stereotypical male bashing up a partner. It can be a father commiting DV against his children, children directing anger at parents and wives attacking husbands. Its just that victoms of non-stereotypical domestic violence dont usually speak up out of emmbarrasment and fear of the sort of ridicule you have directed towards me.  If you think this is all laughable a couple of hours in front of the mirror may be in order.

PS. this is the first time in 50 years that I have spoken about my personel experiences publicaly

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I do not think t the subject is laughable, nor did I say so.

I said that the sentence was almost laughable.  It seemed that you assumed that I always lived in a "stable, sheltered family environment", and that I had no experience with the subject.  That would be laughable if it was not so serious.  That is what I meant, and was evident.

You are not the only poster here with unpleasant experiences.   There are several that I know of, and probably others who keep it to themselves.

(Where did I direct ridicule towards you?  I have never done that to anyone.)

[polksaladallie]

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@*pepe wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

---

@*pepe wrote:

---

@polksaladallie wrote:

My opinion is that a man should never lay his hands on a woman (or child) in anger in any circumstance. 

---

how about women?

is it also your opinion that a woman should never lay her hands on a man in anger?

My opinion is regardless of gender if you assault someone in anger then you have lost any right to not expect to be asaulted right back.

---

My opinion is that no-one should ever hit anyone else.

Your statement that violence is the answer to violence is appalling. 

---

and your attitude of people accepting whatever is dished out to them and not defending themselves is what enables bullies to be bullies and thugs to control others with vioence.

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ONE WOMAN EACH WEEK dies in a DV situation.  If women followed your advice and fought back, that number would skyrocket.

[j*oono]

Chameleon, there are quite a few here that have lived through similar experiences and upbringing.  One should never assume that you can guage someone's arrogance and condescension.  Perhaps they are speaking from their own experience.

All this over a little bit of Friday bait that was thrown in my a brand new ID that has been offline ever since.

[underbat]

Hello, everyone. This thread is getting hostile .

Could we please remember to treat the opinions of others with courtesy.

[polksaladallie]

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@underbat wrote:

Hello, everyone. This thread is getting hostile .

Could we please remember to treat the opinions of others with courtesy.

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Thank you.

[bluecat*dancing]

Even if the OP is a bait , the topic is one that  has touched, and still touches, many here in one way or another so does it really matter who started the thread nor what the reason behind it was? What if the op was being genuine? Does it really matter considering the subject matter? I'd rather put any cynicism aside and show a bit of compassion and empathy to those who have experienced the nightmare of DV. I

[bluecat*dancing]

that random "I" was meant to be followed by "t doesn't cost anything."

[2106greencat]

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@*pepe wrote:

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@polksaladallie wrote:

---

@*pepe wrote:

---

@polksaladallie wrote:

My opinion is that a man should never lay his hands on a woman (or child) in anger in any circumstance. 

---

how about women?

is it also your opinion that a woman should never lay her hands on a man in anger?

My opinion is regardless of gender if you assault someone in anger then you have lost any right to not expect to be asaulted right back.

---

My opinion is that no-one should ever hit anyone else.

Your statement that violence is the answer to violence is appalling. 

---

and your attitude of people accepting whatever is dished out to them and not defending themselves is what enables bullies to be bullies and thugs to control others with vioence.

---

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I agree, sorry, but some women rely on the 'he won't touch me' rule to be obnoxious and violent towards men.

IMO - if a woman hits a man first, then she is agreeing to fight on his level, and if she gets a slap that wakes her up to herself, all well and good.

I do not condone domestic violence in any way shape or form, but if you do not want to be on the receiving end of retaliatory violence, don't start in the first place, male , female, whatever. 

An ex friend of mine was a hard drinker, and she got real mean when she drank. When I was there on one occasion she hit her husband in the face with her wine glass for no other reason than he mentioned maybe she should slow down a bit.

It shattered cutting him quite badly on the forehead. He walked away, I didn't, and when she managed to pick herself up off the floor

she went to bed.

Next morning she woke up surprised to find a note on the kitchen bench telling her that he and the kid's were staying with friends until such time as she would agree to get help for herself.

So always good to remember there are two sides to every story. (I am female BTW)