I feel for you, Lurker, but take heart. It won't be long and both oldies will settle down and be happy again.
A few years back I was struggling with looking after my mother, who lived alone in a unit, and taking care of a very sick husband. My mother was offered to go into our Nursing Home, but refused and accused me that I want to get rid of her and put her into an assylum. Not even wanted to visit the place to see what it was like.
Old people are of the belief that Nursing Homes are the pits. (as they used to be 100 years ago.)
I finished up in Hospital with serious problems and my mother had to be taken care of by Social workers. They descided that she was not safe home alone and put her into the Nursing Home. She could not argue with strangers as she did with me and had to move into the place regardless.
When I came back home after six weeks in Hospital, I went to see my mother in her new home. She was showing me around the place and telling me how nice the Staff was and that she could call for someone in the middle of the night. She was happy and told me thatt she should have gone there a long time ago.
Things change once they find that they are safe and secure and help is at hand 24/7.
Your father-in-law my find a niche where he can feel in charge of things. Where my mother was, an elderly gentleman took over the duty of collecting all cups and saucers to wash after morning and afternoon tea. One day I wanted to take mums cup to the kitchen, when another lady piped up; "no, that is Arthurs job, he'll get angry if you take over." Arthur would wash all cups and plates b hand. He did not trust dishwashers to do a good enough job.
I hope your inlaws will settle soon and you'll all have a very happy and pleasant Christmas.
Erica
