RVSP dating site

[nicnacs_4u]

I was wondering if anyone has tried this site and been a date??

[kopenhagen5]

I think you'll find that most genuine males are far more interested in considerably more important attributes such as personality and integrity, particularly if they're looking for a long-term relationship.

Exactly.

And like you said it applies to men as well. IMO a good relationship renders the gender bias non existant.

Cq, to open up and share that, is commendable, thank you.

I think and feel very much the same, I haven't had a girlfriend/partner in 20 years as I learnt not to compromise on what I consider to be and should be normal attributes in a partner. (For me health n integrity is very important) The closest I come to meeting similar people are definitely not in clubs etc. but usually chance chit chats about something at least slightly intellectual in a supermarket queue or through aquaintances. 

Cq, we are a couple of good ones and I hold my head up high when I take stock of myself, smile saying, " I like myself and my life, I make good decisions, mostly because I was lucky my parents have given me such a good foundation".

When my partner ran off to Sydney with her boss, very soon I realized it was a blessing in disguise. 

Have been happy since, except when I think of all the giving I have in me. But that is why I am big brother, father, uncle to many children around the neighbourhood. So it's not totally wasted. 

To nicnacs, if you do use dating sites, stay true to yourself so you end up closer to where you are supposed to be.

Bending too much can just waste time and you end up at square one. From your posts you seem like someone whom is aware of that anyway. 

[2106greencat]

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@buzzlightyearsgirlfriend wrote:

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**dirty.girl** wrote:Perhaps if women went back to school and/or found a job, worked harder in life, they could attain a financial and social footing without a man's help: Ya think?

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That's a bit of a naive generalisation.

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Pot/Kettle !?!?

sorry Buzz, 'generalisation' but you were pretty vocally biased on another subject a few months ago, with regard to me.

Nic's,

You are not silly, be careful and go with your instinct, you deserve the best. 

[buzzlightyearsgirlfriend]

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@2106greencat wrote:

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@buzzlightyearsgirlfriend wrote:

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**dirty.girl** wrote:Perhaps if women went back to school and/or found a job, worked harder in life, they could attain a financial and social footing without a man's help: Ya think?

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That's a bit of a naive generalisation.

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Pot/Kettle !?!?

sorry Buzz, 'generalisation' but you were pretty vocally biased on another subject a few months ago, with regard to me.

Nic's,

You are not silly, be careful and go with your instinct, you deserve the best. 

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2106greencat -

I do not know what you are referring to therefore your post to me has no relevance whatsoever.

So I had an opinion on another subject months ago which you didn't like? SO WHAT!

[cq_tech]

Kopes, despite my previous post, I have to admit that I'm not completely comfortable speaking of such things in an open forum but as there have been some interesting points raised, particularly by yourself, I'll try to put aside my reluctance because I'd like to comment on some of the things you said above. I also totally agree that there should be absolutely no gender bias in a relationship that is based on equality, although I've never considered men and women to be anything other than equals anyway.

Like you, I also have my parents to thank for bringing me up with a very healthy and unbiased attitude and I too can honestly say that I like myself and I'm very happy with most of the choices I've made during my lifetime, with the one notable exception being my inability to notice the issues that caused my partner to walk out, and it wasn't until several months afterwards that I discovered she had a gambling addiction which I knew nothing about, and then only because I received a letter of demand from her bank regarding an overdue credit card I didn't even know she had.

Ultimately though Kopes, It makes little difference why one's partner leaves, whether it's for another man, or because of addicition issues, the bottom line is we believe it wouldn't have happened had they been perfectly content in their existing relationships, so it's only human nature to blame ourselves and think of what we could have done to prevent it, when much of the time it was inevitable.

I hope you don't mind my saying so but it saddens me greatly to learn that you've not had a meaningful relationship in 20 years, and while it's all very well to be a "big brother" and mentor to the neighbourhood kids (and I do respect you very highly for that), for somebody with such a big heart and so much love to give, you definitely need somebody who can reciprocate in kind and give you the love and adoration that you clearly deserve in return.

I honestly don't know how you manage it Kopes, because the thought of my being alone for even the next 5 years fills me with such appalling horror and dread that I can't even bear to think about it because if I genuinely thought that would be the case, I'd probably put an end to it right now. The last 5 years were bad enough, but another 5 would be unbearable beyond belief.

[jimmy*part4]

I kudoed your post for everything but the last paragraph. I just don't want you to think I kudoed the thought of you "ending it".

There's someone for everyone and right now that someone is wondering where you are.

You never know if that one more day is all you need to meet them.

[cq_tech]

Thank you Jimmy, your thoughtfulness is appreciated but just to put your mind at rest, that comment of mine was essentially more a figure of speech than anything else. Besides, my elderly father is still alive and as his last surviving offspring, I could never even contemplate doing such an unspeakable thing to the poor old bugger.

[tcmsecretuseid]

Dirty girl, you say that you married the guy with money, and the nice house first. He beat you, and you learned that there was a price to be paid for your mistake. On the other hand, you say that all women would leave their poor "soulmate" in a heartbeat if Mr. Moneybags offered them a nice house. I don't agree with that statement. 

I'd say that you had a very bad experience, and you would hate to see that happen to another woman. That is a very nice sentiment. 

Warning other women about potential relationship failures is good. I also think nic's would like to hear about the positive experiences too. 

Nic nac, I have a friend who lost her husband when she was in her early 50's. She waited a few years, and then decided to try Seniordotcom. She has been dating the same guy for 3 years. I don't really like him, as he has strung her along, and made it very clear that he will never marry her. However, she is blissfully happy most of the time with him. They travel together, and spend about 2 or 3 weekends together out of each month. It works for them. 

Why not give it a try. Keep an open mind, but also don't get sucked into a toxic relationship. Somehow, I have a feeling that you would stay away from the con artists, and control freaks. 

Good luck! 

[tcmsecretuseid]

cq and kopes. 

You both gave wonderful responses on this thread. 

I think the bottom line is that it is not up to "us" to determine IF nicnacs should date or not. That is up to her. 

Since I've been married for 28 years, I could never relate to what it feels like to be alone. In fact, sometimes I think that a little space, once in a while, would be nice. On the other hand, if my husband walked out on me, I'd be devastated. 

We all want different things. However, I do think Kopes hit the nail on the head with their list of things that we all should want. 

Whatever nics decides, it doesn't have to be a permanent decision. She will either have a positive, negative, or neutral experience. 

If she doesn't try, she will only have the same experience that she is currently in. 

[katydidthat]

I tried a dating site or two many many years ago.  I was at a stage where I wanted my expectations to be out there, loud and clear, which is difficult to achieve in more traditional "boy meets girl" situations.  

I think that's a good thing about them ... you can state very clearly what you want.  

BUT ... I have a few things to add to the advice already given.

Expect lies.  Whether they add a few inches to their height, or post a picture that's ten years old, or exaggerate their work experience or qualifications, many will not be telling the whole truth.  

Go slowly ... get to know them as well as you can on your computer before you switch to phone calls.  Don't give them your number if you're a female.  (Sorry, gentlemen, I know most of you are safe and respectful).  Or, buy a cheap mobile and SIM card just for dating.  

Take as much time on the phone as you need to decide if you want to meet them in person.  If you hear *alarm bells* take notice of them.  

When meeting for the first few times, make it a public place, like a cafe or restaurant.  Watch your drink.  If possible have a bottled drink (like water) so you can keep the top on.  Don't drink too much alcohol.  Don't accept a ride home.  Decide first, if you can, who will be paying ... and choose something reasonably priced if it's them.  

Let a good friend know where you are and who you are with.  Make a record of all you know about the person you are meeting, and give it to the friend and ask them to call you after the date to make sure you are safe.  

Again, keep watching for *alarm bells* ... not just for danger, but for things you know are likely to drive you nuts in the future.

Try not to let your shock show when Mr 5'8" turns out to be Mr 5'4" 😉 ... or they've gone grey since the photo was taken 🙂

Don't think you are going to fall madly in love on the first date ... look at it as a social experience where you might make a friend and have a good time.  

That's some of the stuff I learned ... 

[freddie*rooster]

Awwww Katy you sound lovely how about a date?

I am a non drinker, non smoker, fun loving ripped guy of 32yrs currently working as a Stock Broker but my field of expertise is in my Medical Practise where I specialize in lobotomy.