School and expectations - communication.

[aspie*mum]

I have had ongoing issues with a lack of communication from L's school.  (term 4 of last year, and term 1 of this year.  Previously she was at a brilliant regional school).  I am having (another) PSG in a couple of weeks and below are the topics I would like to cover.  I am wondering if any seem unreasonable.  

L has Aspergers syndrome (high functioning Autism) and significant anxiety issues.  These are some notes I have made (and will edit) but would appreciate any suggestions.  If I cannot improve communication with the school, I will move her at the end of the year, and am considering a Montessori school as I think it may be better for her individual needs.

Any opinions on Mentessori schools would be appreciated.  It's not something I ever would have considered before, but I'm thinking it might be the way to go if I can't improve communication with her school.

As a parent I have a fundamental right to be involved in my child’s education.

I would like to support L’s teacher in educating L.  To do this, I need to know what L is doing in class, what she is challenged by and what I can be doing at home to support her learning.

These are my expectations they are not negotiable:

-       I would like to be notified via the communication book of any change in:

• Attitude


• Behaviour


• Work patterns


• Friendships

-       I expect communication from the teacher via the communication book about positive educational achievements so that they can be reinforced at home.  If this cannot be done on a daily basis it can be done on a weekly basis.

-       Information on where L sits in terms of the expected standard, and where she is expected to be at the end of term 2, term 3 and term 4.

-       The communication book to be used to let me know of any changes in routine (if known in advance) so I can let L know, for example if there is going to be a CRT in the room.

- 

-       That HCs, (Psychologist), recommendations on a specific reward incentive are introduced as well as “chill out time”.

These are things that I would like:

-       Sending home examples of her work so that she can share with her family and receive positive reinforcement.  Positive reinforcement from her family is more significant and meaningful to Lucinda than from her peers or teacher.

-       Communication from the teacher on what L is being challenged by at school, so she can be supported on working on that at home.

-       Assistance from the teacher for L to find someone to play with before she goes outside at break time.

-       If the curriculum topics can be flexible when required to help motivate L.

-       Knowing what new topics are going to be covered so I can let L know.  L feels more confident when she has some knowledge on a topic.  When she feels confident she is more likely to have a go.

-       Suggestions from L's teacher on what her family can be doing at home to assist her.

There has to be an acknowledgement that she has a definable problem and that this will involve an individual approach and regiment for a period of time, during which regular communication from school to home is required.

I would like to support Lucinda and her teacher, but I feel unable to do this with the lack of communication from that has been available to me.

[cherry*135]

I think your expectations could be seen as unreasonable. As others have mentioned does the teacher have time to do everything you request?

If you move L to a new school next year, will you give them a list of these requirements and ask if they can fulfil them before you enrol her.

Was the regional school a lot smaller than this school?

Speaking generally are teachers more tough on their own child's teachers because they are teachers themselves?

[azureline**]

I think your expectations could be seen as unreasonable. As others have mentioned does the teacher have time to do everything you request?

If you move L to a new school next year, will you give them a list of these requirements and ask if they can fulfil them before you enrol her.

Was the regional school a lot smaller than this school?

Speaking generally are teachers more tough on their own child's teachers because they are teachers themselves?

 Some may be...my GD's mother tries to maintain a parent role........

[danicajack]

I work in playskools and playskools last month playskools had organized a lundby sale for the kids who loves to play with dollhouse and dolls. It was so amazing can't tell you...

[i-need-a-martini]

I am agreeing with Catmad on all she is saying - you are coming across as way too agressive and demanding, you are asking way too much of the teachers and of the school (one on one for an hour every day?? Oh come on!).

Your daughter is only in Year 1 so you have so many years of frustration ahead of you because the school will NEVER be able to agree to your demands. It's just not possible in a mainstream system and I don't believe it is fair to ask it.

My child (11) has a severe learning disability. I view what the school does as a bonus to all that I do - pyschologists, after school tutoring 4 days a week, catch up homework modules I find on the net etc. Whilst my daughter gets some support (she's part of a small literacy and numeracy group, she gets 1 hour a week of one on one with another teacher for reading,she gets a reduced curriculum and homework load etc), I am grateful that they do this. But I don't expect it.

And there is no way you would be happy with a Montessori school.

[*elizabeths-mum*]

1. I also have to agree that you have come across as very aggressive and demanding.

I notice that you are concerned about your daughters social development and mention that she is relaxed at home and achieves well in testing that she obviously not doing as well in at school, the implication being that she is anxious and stressed at school? Your child, from what I understand, has already attended 2 different schools in her very short school life and you are considering changing her to a third school. Have you considered that a little continuity and a chance to become familiar and relaxed in her school environment may have some benefit?

No idea where that 1. came from and no idea how to get rid of it!

[freakiness]

I feel for the child. It sounds like she is going to have to be a super over acheiver to live up to her mother's expectations of her.

Let her relax and enjoy life a little. She's in grade 1 and doesn't need her life to be strictly structured for every minute of the day.

[i-need-a-martini]

---

@freakiness wrote:

I feel for the child. It sounds like she is going to have to be a super over acheiver to live up to her mother's expectations of her.

Let her relax and enjoy life a little. She's in grade 1 and doesn't need her life to be strictly structured for every minute of the day.

---

I agree freaky. We are talking about a 7 year old here! Even the way you speak about the great supportive regional school she USED to go to is unrealistic - she would have been in kindergraden then? It's a completely different environment to Year 1.

I have no academic expectations for my 11 year old. She achieves what she can and we encourage whatever talents she has. And I have never ever compared her results against her classmates - how can that be in any way helpful?

[***super_nova***]

I do agree with most of what was said.  You cannot expect the teacher to spend so much time and effort on just one child, even in a small class.  So what that you pay expensive fees, so do parents of the other kids.  I imagine the other parents would be rather unhappy if the teacher would be concentrating on your child. 

[azureline**]

So...... how did it go aspiemum? when you presented this to the teacher? Did you get what you asked for? and how is L doing?

[witches*wol]

You are a teacher at a Special School so have you ever considered that maybe a special school might be better for L?

Maybe even if she only attends 2 days a week or so.  I also think you are coming accross as aggressive in your approach.  And yes I understand that you are paying private school fees and you want a good education for L but all the other parents are paying the same fees as you are and they won't be happy if the teacher spends most of her time with L or writing notes to you about L while their kids sit there twiddling their thumbs.

Have you considered home schooling your daughter? 

I don't think you would find Montesori a good option either.  It is a very different schooling style to regular schools and it might be a real struggle for L to cope with the change.