Paddy decides to take up boxing and goes for the required medical.
A few days later the doctor โphones and says โPaddy, you realise youโve got sugar diabetes.โ
Paddy says, โNice one, when do I fight him?โ
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey.
But Iโve turned myself around and thatโs what itโs all about.
Paddy caught his Wife having an affair and decided to kill her and himself. He puts the gun to his head, looks at his Wife and says "Don't laugh, you're next!!"
An Irishman wanting to become a Priest went to see the Bishop who said "You must answer 3 questions on the Bible".
"1st - Who was born in a stable?"
"Red Rum" he replied
"2nd - What do you think of Damascus ?"
"It kills 99% of all germs" he replied.
"3rd - What happened when the disciples went to Mount Olive?"
"Thatโs easy" he said "Popeye kicked the **bleep** out of them!!"
Little boy gets home from school and says "Dad, I've got a part in the school play as a man who's been married for 25 years."
His Dad replies "Never mind Son. Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part!!"
Two Irishmen looking through a mail order catalogue.
Paddy says "Look at these gorgeous women! The prices are reasonable too."
Mick agrees "I'm ordering one right now"
3 weeks later Paddy says to Mick "Has your woman turned up yet?"
"No" said Mick "but it shouldn't be long now though. Her clothes arrived yesterday!!
Man walks into WH Smith and says "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?"
Girl says "I donโt think itโs in yet"
He replies "Yeah, thatโs the one!"
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?"
The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
Tommy Loves Everyone... Im a 75 year old nutcase..