Visiting Irishman From UK

[tommy.irene]

Hi everyone ..top o the morning to ye..just passing by..though I would call in to see you

[tommy.irene]

 A garage mechanic comes out to rescue a broken down car. Out of respect for other drivers the mechanic leaves his hazards on while parked on the side of the road. The exhaust from the broken down car has fallen off and needs tying up before the car can be driven onto the mechanic's trailer. The mechanic tells the car owner "As it is only 3:00pm I should be able to have the car ready for you by 5pm". At 5:10pm the mechanic rings the car owner. "Sorry I didn't ring you by 5:00pm, but I only got back to the garage 5 minutes ago. "Why, what happened?" asked the car owner. "My vehicle battery went flat, and I had to ring the garage to ask for another mechanic to come out and rescue me," replied the mechanic.

[j*oono]

That one wasn't even funny, tommy.  Was that a test?

[tommy.irene]

*One day I was walking down the beach in Scarborough with some friends when someone shouted.....
'Loo...

[tommy.irene]

The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honor.” “And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.” The judge check with his records, “But it says here you broke in three nights in a row!” “Yes sir. She made me exchange it two times.

[tommy.irene]

 Bob and Tom both like to golf. One day Bob went to Tom and said, "Hey look at this great ball!" Tom replied, "What’s so great about it?" Bob said, "Well if you lose it, it will beep until you find it, and if it goes into the water it will float. This ball is impossible to lose!" "Wow!", said Tom, "Where did you get that from?" Bob replied, "I found it."

[tommy.irene]

            From Tommy.Irene

[icyfroth]

Wow this thread has been going since 2009.

Well done, Tommy, and a happy New Year to you too!

😄

[tommy.irene]

Bob: "So, you say that you won the conversion with your wife yesterday." Joe: "Yes, she came crawling on her hands and knees." Bob: "Really? What did she say?" Joe: "Come out from under the bed, you coward..

[irene.tommy]

[irene.tommy]

**********

Woman1: "Do you ever talk to your man during sex?"

Woman2: "Only if he phones me."

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What's the difference between a smart man and a stupid man?

Nothing. They both think they know everything.

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My husband added some spice to our marriage.

He's left home.

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How can you tell if a man is lying?

You can see his lips moving.

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A woman goes out to buy a gun.

"It's for my husband." she explained to the shop owner.

"But, madam, guns are very personal. They need to be properly suited to their owner. Why not bring your husband along?"

"Because it would ruin the surprise: he doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him."

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What's a man's favourite four-letter word that ends in 'K' when it comes to sex?

Talk.

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Why are married women heavier than single women?

When single women come home they go to see what's in the fridge then go to bed. A married woman comes home, see what's in bed then go to the fridge.

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How many men does it take to wallpaper the dining room?

Four if you slice them thinly.