what options do i have ? (teenage son)

[ashjoma]

my 15 year old teenage son (year 10) (aspergers / difficult behaviour / oppositional defiance) - father is away half of the week with work and he responds better to his father than me.

This year, and worse in the last few months refusing school / failing subjects / leaving school grounds / has a school friend who has been heading in the same direction but worse

wont get up to go to school until he is ready, eg 10am, 11 am, midday - if his father is not there

won't do any study or  homework or assignments / no interest  in making any effort / has exams coming up

extremely lazy and very poor effort with any kind of good personal hygienne or appearance

today refused school  / woke up at midday -  despite my best efforts

his friend is leaving this year at the end of year 10

any suggestions on what to do with my son.  He says he will do the HSC but I can't see him doing it.  No interest in study.

could i pull him out in year 10 and put him in TAFE or something like that. His interest is computers (of course) and not much else.

this is causing huge conflict with his father and myself, continuous arguments and blame and threats of leaving.  

it seems to be always the mother's fault unfortunately.  I try my best, but my son is bigger and stronger than me and I can't exactly throw him over my shoulder and take him to school any more

so it will be another argument when his father gets home and finds he has not gone to school today

[channys_mum]

---

@broa_terr wrote:

---

@kilroy_is_here wrote:
Unfortunately in this day and age to get any help you first have to have a label that fits the box that holds the key, that opens the door to the help you need

---

But if the key to the door that unlocks on the box has the label in the pocket of the one needing help, then what does one do?

---

Then hopefully you can convince the one with the label to use the key thatis in their pockiet and save him/herself

[broa_terr]

But where is the key-hole located?

[azureline**]

---

@broa_terr wrote:

I wonder if some conditions though are not really more common, it's just too many people today are too quick to put labels on everybody. If a child doesn't look a teacher in the eye, must be autistic. If a child drinks a gallon of red cordial and runs around like a lunatic, must have ADHD. If a child thinks his painting is the best in the class, must be narcissistic. It often makes others feel safer to compartmentalize individuals who are different to them.

---

well, for starters, not every child who doesn't look you in the eye has autism.................... not every child with autism won't look you in the eye.............they are just as different as those without autism.

Some children can run around like a lunatic just  drinking water. (I have never met a child with ADHD who runs around like a lunatic, nor one that drinks a gallon of red cordial)

It's not about compartmentalizing............................... it's about correct diagnosis, correct therapy and understanding. Treatment guided research is a good defence for their future.

(but you know that)

[broa_terr]

But you are rational enough to have a global view of things. There are many adults with tunnel vision who are too quick to diagnose, too quick to over-prescribe and too happy to generalise; as if everybody's mental makeup was shaped by a cookie cutter.

I don't really think there is effective treatment for the problems we've addressed, particularly as you say, everybody is different, so how could a standardised treatment work on all individuals anyway?

[gleee58]

What's wrong with red cordial anyway? 

That's a gross generalisation at best. 

Raspberry is the best cordial there is.

[kilroy_is_here]

Mock me if you like, but knowing the reality of how the system works turned our lives around, until you live with one of these kids you really have no idea on Just how destructive they can be on your life

[channys_mum]

---

@kilroy_is_here wrote:
Mock me if you like, but knowing the reality of how the system works turned our lives around, until you live with one of these kids you really have no idea on Just how destructive they can be on your life

---

Just in case you thought I was mocking you kilroy, I wasn't. I was actually being a smart ass to the one who was.

However, generalisation totally ruined my brother's life. He was given adult doses of Bromide by the doctor to 'calm him down'

It worked, he calmed down. Went from walking and talking to not. He was 18 months old.

Bromide does not metabolise. The damage was done pretty quickly and whilst he was able to walk and talk again, there was a lot of damage done. Bromide also causes psychosis, hence his schizophrenic like symtoms. He still would have been aspey of course, but not the way he is.

But that was 69 years ago.

[azureline**]

---

@broa_terr wrote:

But you are rational enough to have a global view of things. There are many adults with tunnel vision who are too quick to diagnose, too quick to over-prescribe and too happy to generalise; as if everybody's mental makeup was shaped by a cookie cutter.

I don't really think there is effective treatment for the problems we've addressed, particularly as you say, everybody is different, so how could a standardised treatment work on all individuals anyway?

---

You have to educate people but most don't have the time, when they also have to work and care for their families, at the same time.

There is effective treatment......... and of course standardised treatment won't work.......................... who said it would?

That is very sad Channysmum, they did so much damage unwisely in those days. Your brother is fortunate to have you in his life.

Kilroy, yes, I agree that we need the info and the key................. we are getting there, in comparison to the past.

[id-to-post-anything]

I haven't read every reply.....but been there myself with this situation

Firstly ---you can see an adolescent pediatrician --- medications and things help (if you are in sydney PM for a name)

or a psychiatrist

or find him something that does interest him eg the TAFE suggestions.

its a very difficult situation

(if money is an issue, your GP can give you a Health Care Plan that allows you to see the specialist on medicare)

[i-need-a-martini]

---

@broa_terr wrote:

But you are rational enough to have a global view of things. There are many adults with tunnel vision who are too quick to diagnose, too quick to over-prescribe and too happy to generalise; as if everybody's mental makeup was shaped by a cookie cutter.

I don't really think there is effective treatment for the problems we've addressed, particularly as you say, everybody is different, so how could a standardised treatment work on all individuals anyway?

---

They don't overprescribe anything in Australia for either ADHA or Autism. That is a fallacy that makes people underestimate both conditions.