Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Avoid unsightly wear marks on your jacket elbows, by cutting them out and leaving them in your wardrobe.
You can also avoid dents in your carpet made be your furniture, by stringing it all up to the ceiling with strong wire.
To avoid being burgled, pepper antipersonnel mines around your house. (However, this can be inconvenient if you have children).
Or you could always buy a police car, and park it on your driveway. Another good tip is to nail a Magpie to your front door. Burglars are notoriously superstitious.
Avoid a dirty tide mark around you bath, by always filling it until it overflows.
Cut a big hole in the top of your umbrella. This will prevent it from blowing inside out in the wind.
Stop car locks from freezing up in cold weather, by filling them with superglue.
Save money on your heating bills. Cover your walls with tin foil.
And lastly, increase your life expectancy by living longer.
