Hubby is irritating, annoying habits - had enough

[ashjoma]

My hubby  and I had an argument this evening and he walked out (offended as usual) and has come back.

I had some bags of my daughters too small clothing for a friend and some new expensive kids clothing for putting on Ebay and I had asked him to leave it to one side.

It vanished this morning and he denied knowing anything and said he had not touched it.

I searched and searched  ( and he knew I was searching) and asked him again this evening and then he said he had put it all in the charity bin up the road, 

I got angry and said he should leave my things alone and how dare he throw my possessions out.

He then stormed off, saying he was leaving and staying in a motel - came back about 30 minutes later.

This is not the first time he has done this - I regularly find my things in the bin - eg expensive pashmina blanket,  clothing, my books and magazines, university work,  kids toys

- once I found my brand new camera equipment in the garbage bin. still in the packaging

When we moved, I found my 2 boxes of beloved knitting patterns in the bin and he tried to divert me from finding them.

Some sentimental items have also vanished.

Last week, I found  my shopping in the bin - cans of soup, baked beans and tomato sauce. Straight in the bin.

He never asks - I find this so rude and disrespectful. I would not throw his things out.

If I ask, he either denies it or says he can't remember and looks uncomfortable.

His father threw out my daughter's  wooden rocking horse, which my father had lovingly restored for her and my son's beloved blanket. No asking me. And then had the hide to deny anything about the blanket, before saying that he did throw it out because he thought my son was too old for it.

So I can see where it all comes from.

I have hired a storage unit and will quietly move the majority of my possessions there so I have some privacy and he cannot just throw out my things.

I find him so disrespectful that he thinks he can do this.

And then he gets so offended when questioned and I say I am unhappy and storms off.

thanks - vent over.

[love*today]

24 how rude....

I agree with kengillard 29, sounds like something is wrong with him.Has it always been this bad or is it getting worse?

[kyliecrv]

Does he only throw your things out? Not his own or the kids stuff?

Because that would weigh more in favour of blatant disrespect of Ash, over the mental illness thoughts wouldn't He is targeting her items?

Has it escalated? Or always been like it and you've just had enough? Cos I don't know how you've gone this long.... I would've cracked it with him years ago!!

Oh and just a comment..... How dare his DAD throw your things away!!! Omg, did that bother him at all?

[love*today]

Yeah I remember that rocking horse it was as beautiful!

that would've sent me over the edge.

[azureline**]

I recall when he threw out the blanket. I agree that there is something wrong with your OH and medical intervention is needed but it won't be that easy.

[debra9275]

Hi Ashjomo, has he always been like that? Or is it recent behavior? It seems like he has some control/ power issues, or even attention seeking.

[kyliecrv]

Just re read op, he has thrown kids toys and their clothes...

You might find that once majority of your possessions are moved to the storage unit, that you may as well move out too? How will you feel living there without being able to have anything there?

What does your family think? Do you have a bestie or someone close both you both for support because things need to change.

[moonlyte]

Hiring a storage unit is a terrific idea. 

[love*today]

I retread too and the problem has been around a long time but getting worse.

something is up mentally IMO, is he depressed?

Speak to the doctor first yourself and they will give you expert advice on your next step.

[daydream**believer]

yeh, i gotta agree with those who say he has a problem.

The whole throwing away groceries thing was the weird one. Why throw things away that will need to be re bought?

I would tell him that he either gets help or he gets out

[at_wicks_end]

OP, maybe you are so conditioned to his behaviour, that you think he is just being disrespectful, especially thinking he has learnt behaviours from his father.   But, I cannot think for a second that he is normal, just rude and inconsiderate.  Like everyone else has said, there is something else going on here and only medical advice could be any help.  I think your first step would be going to your GP, (assume he is your husbands DR as well) and tell the Dr what has been going on and take it from there.  I imagine your husband would not be happy to go.

I do wonder if Crikeys suggestion about hoarding could be a small part of it.  If his PERCEPTION is you are a hoarder, he may feel that chucking stuff out is a way to get thru to you.  Extreme measures so to speak.  The thing that makes me doubt this a little is money being tossed away over a long period of time as it is not a once off, and the fact he is throwing food away along with non perishables.   I could not bear to do that more than once myself to make a point, would hurt way to much!! lol....

Regardless, looking at your responses you appear to think his behaviour is somewhat normal, just rude.  If only it was that simple because as someone looking in from the outside it looks a lot more serious than that.  I do feel for you.