Lighten the mood

[village_person]

Why not lighten the mood and add a bit of humour by posting jokes. I’d like to kick it off with one that I think is funny.

Two men were out on a shooting trip when an accident happened. One of the men made a frantic call to 000 telling the operator that an accident had happened and his hunting partner had been shot and he thought he was dead. “What should I do?” he asked the operator. The operator said the first thing he should do is confirm his hunting partner was dead. A short pause followed then a loud ‘bang’ was heard. The caller then said to the 000 operator “OK, he’s dead. What next?”

[aps1080]

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@imastawka wrote:

Oh dear Helen.  Start running and don't look back

There's a few of 'em on here.  They'll have you for dinner.

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Throw them a sheep, they'll be happy for the night

If not, this is how to look after a kiwi sheila !

[wilk1149]

Pity the yanks don't seem to have a sense of humour

[cmcoins2000]

Immigosh - a Woolley Jumper.

[imastawka]

Helen,  your store's on hols.  Whatcha doing hanging around here?

Go lie on a beach or life saver or sumpin'

[cmcoins2000]

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@imastawka wrote:

Helen,  your store's on hols.  Whatcha doing hanging around here?

Go lie on a beach or life saver or sumpin'

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Stawks if I could find a LIFE SAVER TO LIE ON.

Good grief - you would have a search party out - MIA.

[cmcoins2000]

I have put my best friend on the side of the air con.

She feels the heat - still wearing winter - fur coat.

Going to put my extremely taxed brain - on my Kopfkissen.

Reading a Baldacci - see you guys - hopefully - tomorrow.

No guarantees on that.

Stay safe - All.

[imastawka]

Had me worried there for a minute with the Kopfkissen.

Thought it might have been the grumpy old man.

But a pillow is cool. 

[this-one-time-at-bandcamp]

Pity the yanks don't seem to have a sense of humour

Hey, I resemble that remark!  I have contributed mightily to this thread, and here's another knee-slapper...........

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding through the woods one day, when LR had to stop to whizz.  Unfortunately, he was peeing on a rattlesnake, who proceeded to strike at the offending member.

Clutching himself, he commanded Tonto to ride to the nearby town and get help, so Tonto rode off.

He got to the town, but there was no doctor.  The bartender at the saloon explained that Tonto would have to put his mouth on the puncture wounds and suck the poison out.

Tonto rode back, and dismounted where the LR was laying.  "Tonto," he gasped, "What did you find out?"

"You're gonna die, white man," Tonto replied.

[this-one-time-at-bandcamp]

When Dale Evans filed for divorce from Roy Rodgers, her reason was listed as, "He was too Trigger happy".......

[icyfroth]

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes.”

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,

"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!”

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will die for”.

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM- she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. “

The woman said,

"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like to have a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story:

Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers:

This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers:

Please scroll down.*****************************

The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife!!!

Moral of the story

Women think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

Have A Nice Day!

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

You can forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour

HAVE A FUN DAY!