Lighten the mood

[village_person]

Why not lighten the mood and add a bit of humour by posting jokes. I’d like to kick it off with one that I think is funny.

Two men were out on a shooting trip when an accident happened. One of the men made a frantic call to 000 telling the operator that an accident had happened and his hunting partner had been shot and he thought he was dead. “What should I do?” he asked the operator. The operator said the first thing he should do is confirm his hunting partner was dead. A short pause followed then a loud ‘bang’ was heard. The caller then said to the 000 operator “OK, he’s dead. What next?”

[icyfroth]

A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

[icyfroth]

A man was running late for the office one day, so he was exceeding the speed limit along the freeway. The next thing he knows his wife rings up & says that I've just seen on the TV that there's a maniac going down the wrong side of the freeway. The man replies, It's not just one, it's all of them.

[icyfroth]

• Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He
  forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing
  he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water
  on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing
  in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks
  around the room and sees that it is in a perfect
  order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.
  He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table
  "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go
  shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and
  sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning
  newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Marty
  asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says,
  "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and
  delirious. Broke some furniture , puked in the hallway,
  and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into
  the door." Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is
  everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on
  the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that!
  Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to
  take your pants off to change and clean you, you said,
  "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

[this-one-time-at-bandcamp]

Clinton's lie prompted a republican waste of 60 million dollars..............

Bush's lies caused the deaths of 4000+  American service personnel..........

[goldenjet16]

"Clinton's lie prompted a republican waste of 60 million dollars..............

Bush's lies caused the deaths of 4000+ American service personnel.........."

Band,

Your right. But you could also blame Democrats for going along with Bush. If your going to use that analogy.

[icyfroth]

I'm sorry now I put that up about Obama 

[this-one-time-at-bandcamp]

But you could also blame Democrats for going along with Bush. If your going to use that analogy.

Because they believed his lies, Conde Rice's lies, and Colin Powell's............who later apologized to the American people for participating in the deception.

[cmcoins2000]

Kiwi Language Explained :

[goldenjet16]

Sorry Icy, last post OT.

Not buying that one band, but both sides lie, that's what makes them politicians.....

No different than Hillary, Eric holder, and the Pres himself.... Can't forget Nancy...

Ok back to the regular programming.... Sorry!

[imastawka]

Oh dear Helen.  Start running and don't look back

There's a few of 'em on here.  They'll have you for dinner.