Take it off her

[martinw-48]

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-02-23/tim-smith-calls-for-bettina-arndt-to-be-stripped-of-am/119920...
I can't believe this rampant victim blaming.

[martinw-48]

Stawka, the phone is all I have.

[imastawka]

I know.

You've gotta work with what you've got.

[lurker172602]

Martin you can switch to full mode on a phone. Down the bottom of the page

It goes from this

 

to this 

and then you get full functionality (although it is a bit tiny to read)

[chameleon54]

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@chameleon54 wrote:

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@lurker172602 

I doubt that too many people would argue with you that more DV perpetrators where men than woman, but I suspect there is a massive under reporting of DV by woman towards their children or partners. Reasons for this could include

* Social stereotyping....ie only men commit DV. This being a message constantly pushed by some of the men haters in the feminist movement

* Social stereotyping that says men should be the strong leader in the family and shame they feel at being abused by their partner mean they often don't report

* The fact that men are physically stronger means that unless weapons are used, they often inflict greater physical damage than           woman

* An institutional system that is geared towards protecting and providing refuge for woman and children rather than men. Woman are still regarded as the principle carers for children. ( more social stereotyping that needs to be addressed if we are to have genuine equality for woman )

* This institutional prejudice means that men who are being physically or psychologically abused by their partner often just quietly leave the house and the relationship, rather than working through a biased system geared towards woman. Oh did you hear so and so have just split up. He's living with his brother now.

And here's a link from the W.H.O that provides another shade of grey to the issue of domestic violence. Victims of domestic violence as children, often go on to become perpetrators in later life. The damage DV causes is traumatising and can cause enormous social dysfunction and psychiatric illness in later life. That perpetrator you love to hate may also be the victim you didn't protect. More compassion and understanding is needed if we are to really make inroads into the problem of domestic violence. 

http://www.euro.who.int/__data/assets/pdf_file/0008/98783/E90619.pdf

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[martinw-48]

Lurker, problem is that often when expanding the screen I click on things unintentionally and then you can end up on a screen that doesn't allow you to go back so you have to then start all over again.
It's about time it was updated here but I get the feeling that no-one at ebay even knows here exists

[ecar3483]

I have to wonder if Bettina Arndt feels that stripping her of the anything more than a formality?

My Godfather had an OBE, which consisted of a scroll, a medal and a commemorative plate.

He was a writer, and the medal, and scroll, he admitted, was lost somewhere under the mountain of paperwork that cluttered his studio/office.

It was only by chance that I found the plate.

I asked him if, should the Queen appoint him as an Earl, would that make him a EarlOBE? ha ha...

He roared with laughter at that, ha ha...

To him it was just a "Gong", another one of those accolades that other people thought meant something, while he felt that he had more important things than worry about some medal - his true passion, his craft, his writing.

It's just a thought - do recipients of these "Great Honours" value them in the same way as we ordinary folk who can only aspire to such "Greatness" do?

I think, sometimes, that those of us who don't get the "Gongs" place a higher value on them than those who are recipients of them.

There's a vast difference between "Take it back, if you want, it's nothing more than a bauble", and Toom Tabard...

I do wonder which side of the fence Ms. Arndt stands on...

🙂

[chameleon54]

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@*kazumi* wrote:

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@martinw-48 wrote:
I met a woman who was physically violent.
Especially when drinking.
She was determined to be with me but with much effort I was able to avoid her and end all contact.
I didn't bother going to the Police to report the assualts because it wasn't worth the effort and I didn't want to be exposed to potentially not being believed or being ridiculed.

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And that is that, you just walked away.  Many women cannot "just walk away".  Many try but especially when there are kids they are not able to legally. 

I once had a stalker; he threatened me and my little child (not his)  but of-course never in front f witnesses.  I moved several times but he always found me, because people thought he was such a lovely guy, and I am being hysterical, so they told him where I was.   I cut off contact with all people who told him where I was.  Then I moved to the other side of the country and he found me through a club I belonged to.  I did go to the police and they laughed at me; one actually said I should be flattered.  OK, it is not quite as bad now; policemen would not laugh, but that does not mean they do not smirk behind the women's back. 

Interestingly, when mentally ill person kills strangers; like the guy who drove his car into crowd in Burke Street, or the Flinder street station crossing, or the one who stabbed two women nobody says poor guy, there must have been something done to him to make him act this way.  But a man burns his family alive and immediately people look for excuses, and ways to blame the woman!!!!! 

I am sure all these men had something happened to them to act the way they did, and all should have had psychiatric help.  So, call your parlimentarian and tell them we need more money put into mental health. 

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Completely agree except it doesn't just apply to male perpetrators of violence. The same is equally important for woman who inflict domestic violence. Hence why I am standing by the young woman we are supporting and paying for her to see a psychiatrist. Domestic violence is not just a male problem, it is a people problem.

[davidc4430]

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@davidc4430 wrote:

its not just men

Woman charged over fatal car crash in Huonville, Tasmania

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-02-29/woman-charged-with-family-violence-road-death/12014076

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with this post i wasnt trying to shift the goal posts

merely saw a story where a woman killed a guy and its reported as DV (well FV but to me its the same)

i do know men a way more likely to commit DV than women.

but while all the media and public is having a say they should notice this guys family is grieving too.

as are many many other friends and familys of DV victims, men and women.

everyone should feel safe from DV

[chameleon54]

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@davidc4430 wrote:

---

@davidc4430 wrote:

its not just men

Woman charged over fatal car crash in Huonville, Tasmania

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-02-29/woman-charged-with-family-violence-road-death/12014076

---

with this post i wasnt trying to shift the goal posts

merely saw a story where a woman killed a guy and its reported as DV (well FV but to me its the same)

i do know men a way more likely to commit DV than women.

but while all the media and public is having a say they should notice this guys family is grieving too.

as are many many other friends and familys of DV victims, men and women.

everyone should feel safe from DV

---

The only goal posts I can see is to recognise that the only way to break the cycle of DV is to provide appropriate counselling and support for offenders as well as victims. That should be the common goal. We know that perpetrators can be any age, any gender and come from any family background. Studies have also shown that many offenders have themselves been victims of domestic violence in the past. They don't actually want to hurt those around them and are often deeply shamed and remoseful for their actions. They just need the skills to manage negative emotions in a more acceptable way.

It is only through professional support that these perpetrators can come to terms with the hurt they themselves have experienced in the past and the harm they are causing to others now. Sure there are going to be some people who are too hardened and damaged for anything to work, but there are many others with major psychological problems often caused by the past trauma of DV who can be assisted to change behaviours if given compassion, understanding and support.

I understand this is not always easy for some people to accept, particularly if they themselves have been affected by DV, but it is the only strategy that has been shown to work in breaking the cycle of DV. 

[hannahmallory]

Let me tell you this chameleon. 

In your post 108, I found your spoiler both intimidating and aggressive.  Can you understand that? 

I was a little surprised that you would write my name on a piece of paper and take a photo and put it online.  This is the kind of intimidation that domestic violence victims have to put up with.  Think about that.