88rainbow88,
You'll know for any future sale that, as has been said, NEVER escalate a case/claim. The process of claims, disputes, refunds, etc., is automated on eBay. Therre is no human overseeing the process to examine any instance when it's not a straightforward case, with delivery date past the Money Back Guarantee date.
You say you've not had trouble with sea mail before, but in my candid opinion, there was always going to be a time when you struck trouble sending by sea mail to an eBay international buyer. That is because buyers know the protections on which they can rely, and either through cupidity (being able to get an expensive item for free) or through caution (knowing that the date to make a claim through eBay's Money Back Guarantee was fast approaching, and that if anything went wrong past that date, they wouldn't be able to claim through the MGB anymore), it was inevitable that a buyer would lodge a claim before arrival of their item.
I honestly don't think that sea mail is a viable international delivery method for sales on eBay. Buyers are being conditioned by eBay to expect items quickly, and everything that eBay do in relation to buyer expectation is geared towards encouraging buyers to lodge claims at the drop of a hat.
For future reference, the automatic process when you ask eBay to step in is that the bots controlling cases in eBay's Resolution Centre will search the various parameters of the claim and the delivery process, see that there's no tracking update and that the item is not yet delivered, and voilà - immediate closing of the case in the buyer's favour.
Unless your buyer is an honest person, you may indeed be out both the money and the item.
By asking eBay to step in - can I confirm with sellers here that this will automatically result in a defect for the OP as well?
I agree that you have few options at this stage. You can try phoning the buyer - it would be worth the international phone cost if you can speak personally with the buyer to request that they repay when the item arrives. You can wait, and contact the buyer once the item is due to arrive, and speak with the buyer then. You can do as has been said with contacting eBay - eBay's "Have us call you" option is by far the best way to get in touch with eBay. (Emails are useless, for a number of reasons, but primarily because the responses, when they are finally sent, are bot-generated.)
eBay say:
We'll call you at the phone number registered to your account, or you can enter a different number.
We’re available from 8am to 10pm AET, 7 days a week.
If you do call, make sure you take down the rep's details, and note the time and date as well as the substance of the conversation.
You can contact PayPal Call Customer Service:
1800 073 263 (toll free)
+61 2 8223 9500
One-off passcode
[You'll be asked to enter this unique code on the phone)
Customer Service hours
6am to 10pm AEST Monday to Friday
8am to 7pm AEST Saturday and Sunday
Again, take notes of with whom you speak, and time and date, and details of conversation.
If you receive no resolution, I'd do as digital*ghost says and open a dispute with the FOS. You can only open a dispute against a financial services provider, and moreover the financial services provider must be a member of FOS. That means you'll be opening the dispute against PayPal, not eBay. (But don't worry; if PayPal loses the dispute and are required to refund your money, they'll be going after eBay and seek to recover not only that cost, but also the costs incurred in the claim opened against them by FOS.)
I'm not sure about your chances of success if you take this route, but it is definitely worth considering. You said you don't know if you have the heart or will to go any further, but really this is a lot of money to lose... and if there is anything that you can do to recover those funds, it makes sense to undertake it. Stay calm, make sure you have the information to hand (which is why I said you should take notes with each communication), and give it a try.
