Suicide

[martinw-48]

Why is it so bad?
Is it just that misery loves company.
That no one should have an easy out.
That you must suffer with the rest of us.
I actually benifited from suicide.
If my father hadn't killed himself I'd have had to kill him.
I couldn't live any longer under his control.
What is it with people that you must suffer from the same things that they hate.
I have been whinged at for years for not having gotten married and having children.
Even by total strangers.
The exception is that some men tell me that I'm extremely smart.
That they wished that they'd never married and they can be either still married or divorced.
I actually understand why people kill themselves.
Why constantly suffer just because someone else who hasn't ever been able to make your life better get to keep you suffering.
They always claim that they could of helped but how do they really know.
It could be that those who claim that they could have helped make the departed life better were the very one's that the departed wanted to get away from.

[nicnacs_4u]

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@kopenhagen5 wrote:

I just bought my first pair of thongs.

I'm tired of wearing socks n shoes in hot weather.

Besides I was used to being in bare feet every summer sailing or windsurfing.

Don't get to the beach often these days so flip flops might be the go.

P.S. Martin, may be able to help you some specs if you want ?

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oohhh bare feet now that would be interesting to view!!

Merry Christmas to you and your family Kopes xx

[springyzone]

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@martinw-48 wrote:
springy, I believe that you mustn't have read my earlier posts for I stated that the only reason that I haven't killed myself years ago is because my sister still hasn't gotten over my father killing himself in '79.
I would never cause her grief intentionally

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Read all your posts, Martin. 

And you did put up quite a bit of information about the ways your sister would not be affected by your death, so I thought it wouldn't harm to come down to the bottom line though, the main one that matters-how she would be affected. And I was glad to read you would not intentionally cause her grief.

My last post wasn't so much about suicide though as suicide is the end of life, whereas, since you are living, and sometimes finding life tough, just wanted to say there is often help out there to support people through difficult times.

[martinw-48]

Yes, there's help but it all has it's limits.
The ladies at Vinnies in Casterton are fantastic but they won't help you every fortnight.
They only have so much money.
Hamilton Vinnies are awful, especially the men.
I still have to often go without meals and being a diabetic that's really bad for me but if the rego has to be paid I don't get to eat much that fortnight.
Being a diet controlled diabetic means that I have to buy healthy food and that's expensive.
Due to the Adhesive Capulitis I'm meant to be having Physiotherapy but I can't afford it.
Thankfully this hot weather will stop the grass growing and I'll get a short break from that expense but right now I owe three hundred for yard work and have to come up with rego and the fuel tank is empty.
So eating is going to be a struggle again especially as I'm visiting my family in Adelaide ATM and my sister would feed me some meals but my brother in law doesn't like me hanging around much and you can't get charity when you're away from home and to make things worse I get my benifits tomorrow and fuel in Adelaide has gone up from $1.30 to $1.75.
I'm staying at my friends place and the worst thing about that is I get to see my broken Ute that's been sitting in his front yard since September last year due to the gearbox dying and that's $2500 just to get a replacement gearbox but I'm unable to do anything to it due to the ailments to my dominant arm that won't be resolved for another two years and the guy that lives two houses away that I was going to pay to fix my Ute has now suffered an injury that he will never recover from due to the incompetence of the doctor he saw that didn't send him to surgery when he should have.
So now I'm trying to claim my superannuation because it's $5000 to get a gearbox place to fix my Ute and I need this vehicle to get a job.
I have a job waiting once the Ute is fixed and my arm is able to be used again.
In fact I have two jobs because my boss from the School Crossing Supervisor position has me on hold until my arm is better.
I won't be able to get my superannuation because I'm not in financial hardship because I manage my money too well.
I've already been knocked back on a claim by AMP so I rolled my two superannuation funds together so I could try with another mob.
I'm going to have to stop paying all my bills to get into debt but it goes against every fibre in my body.
People just don't understand how difficult it is when you don't have money

[martinw-48]

Thankfully being ill means that I don't have to deal with the Job Network Member every fortnight.
That's the issue in my life that makes me wish I was dead.
It's the most soul destroying experience anyone can go through.
I have to attend fortnightly appointments because I'm in the disability stream.
It's monthly for healthy people.
The Liberal Government made changes and now those of us in the disability stream have more mutual obligations ( all one sided in reality) to adhere to.
Increased job application requirements and increased work hours but we didn't get any increase in what we receive.
Being a strong advocate for myself I get to have one appointment a month via phone but a lot of poor sodd wouldn't know that they can do that.
It still is very stressful to have to lie every fortnight about your job hunting because there simply isn't to jobs to apply for.
Even when you apply for jobs that you have no relevant skill set.
Like I said I'm free of that ATM but all the pain and disruption to my life I'm definitely worse off.
I can't even shake someone's hand ATM because of the pain it causes me and you wouldn't believe the number of people that hit my sore arm.

[imastawka]

I understand Martin - been there.

The Salvos can help.

https://www.salvationarmy.org.au/need-help/financial-assistance/

I think you may have to go to Hamilton though.

My local Salvos helped me when I had too many debts.   They gave me bags of food,

supermarket food vouchers, and told me about the local court.

It seems they have someone appointed to the local courts.  Fines imposed on people get sent to the Salvos to dole out.

I took my bills to see the Salvo guy at the court, and he paid them for me.

Don't let your pride hold you back.  If you need help, then ask them.

Have a look at the link.

[martinw-48]

It's not sometimes I'm finding life tough.
I've had twenty six years now of constant struggle.
I had a good life from 1988 to 1993.
Before then it was twenty one years of being in an even worse predicament than the last twenty six.
What is getting me tired is that the last twenty six years every year gets worse.
With my health deteriorating more each year even though I have been living a very healthy lifestyle since developing diabetes ten years ago.
It appears that the damage was done well before then with many issues being hereditary.
They say that whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger buy no, not when it's diabetes, heart disease, arthritis and tendonitis of every single joint in my body.
I can be thankful that the Idiopathic Brachial Neuritis didn't cause total paralysis of my arm but it's not far off and the Physiotherapist said that the Adhesive Capulitis of the shoulder could take five years to resolve to a hundred percent.
Any one of these issues would be easy to deal with but all together it's tiring.
I don't have a problem admitting that I've had enough and going to counseling isn't going to improve my health.
It's not going to get me stable well paying employment.
It's not going to stop bigots approaching me and unloading their bigotry.
I can't be ignorant to the world around me and ignore the pain and suffering of others.
I don't care if the world can't be a better place for me because I want it to be a better place for everyone.

[martinw-48]

Stawka, no one will help fix my Ute.
I need that.
They don't pay vehicle registration I've asked.
Believe me I'm not proud.
I seek charity.
I only owe money for the grass cutting I don't owe any other money.
Can't do anything in Adelaide because you can't get charity when you're away from home.
Well that's been my experience in the past.

[imastawka]

But the Salvos will pay other bills and give you supermarket vouchers, and that would be some help, at least.

I understand nothing canl be done while you're visiting your sister.

[lyhargr_0]

Martin  are you able to get around while your ute is off the road?  If so, I know that Merino Community Health Centre often has bread/rolls, eggs and other bit n pieces all for FREE.  Might be worth giving them a ph call? Also there is the Community veggie garden up the road, not sure what is growing in there atm but might be worth taking a look.

[martinw-48]

Thanks lyhargr, that could come in handy